tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25724893028937682872024-03-14T08:11:19.197-07:00New International Journal of NonsenseUnknownnoreply@blogger.comBlogger54125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2572489302893768287.post-44977642135187659512020-02-14T14:53:00.000-08:002020-02-16T03:39:06.403-08:00News roundup may be fake ministers claim<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj0JKG3hamvYP5KfI9eMWehs-V7xuGWBXbqwnKdgub3fsx0tkv3BcxHzq16DSVQV1YHn1gu73qQHNvFUIF3CG58FTe1Ik6QMB4uwR6Ww96J7nz4tFlp7WA_TVl1D5aLBb4XAoHsZ_F_cORB/s1600/elijah-o-donnell-t8T_yUgCKSM-unsplash.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1067" data-original-width="1600" height="266" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj0JKG3hamvYP5KfI9eMWehs-V7xuGWBXbqwnKdgub3fsx0tkv3BcxHzq16DSVQV1YHn1gu73qQHNvFUIF3CG58FTe1Ik6QMB4uwR6Ww96J7nz4tFlp7WA_TVl1D5aLBb4XAoHsZ_F_cORB/s400/elijah-o-donnell-t8T_yUgCKSM-unsplash.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><br /><br /><b>A roundup of today's fake news may itself be fake, the government has claimed. Judge for yourself:</b><br /><br />Kilmarnock in Scotland is to be renamed Markilnock, it has been announced. It was time for a change, said Mayor Jock Weaslepants. <br /><br />Stationery traffic in Catford Sidings is up to 12 long reams after a mad origamist escaped from the paper mill.<br /><br />Hackers who hacked into the files of a hacksaw factory and found nothing of value say they’re ‘hacked off’<br /><br />Violence broke out in the midlands town of Broogminger earlier after the local bus company rebranded itself ‘EasySock'<br /><br />Levels of man-made stupidity will rise almost 63m by 2040, according to the Institute of Things, leaving many people living on flagpoles they’ve carefully balanced on two other flagpoles.<br /><br />Religious punctuationists are calling for semicolons to be set alight and floated down a river of tildes to celebrate the year of ellipses.<br /><br />An anti-stupidity vaccine, developed at the University of Quack Theories, has accidently been tipped into a deep fat frier along with the notes about how to make future batches of the humanity-saving drug.<br /><br />Nonsense in the Dark, the tangy, dirigible craft beer, is now brewed using 100% wind power, thanks to high levels of flatulence among its customers.<br /><br /><br /><span style="font-size: x-small;"><br /></span><br /><div class="_3bJ2H CHExY"><div class="_1l8RX _1ByhS"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Photo by <a href="https://unsplash.com/@elijahsad?utm_source=unsplash&utm_medium=referral&utm_content=creditCopyText">Elijah O'Donnell</a> on <a href="https://unsplash.com/s/photos/newspaper?utm_source=unsplash&utm_medium=referral&utm_content=creditCopyText">Unsplash</a></span></div></div><br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2572489302893768287.post-61824607279050986052017-09-26T06:58:00.000-07:002020-02-16T03:39:08.236-08:00Jaffa Cakes cause rift in cathedral time<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjcpQ5UMUmBnKm0ZcTbTVYpYPbSSV13WBuNyxv5XKzKGCweXJgu0IMp5AWqT93RwOufcs2BWdr5GyDIQ1usw00HoOEqFqnMWUzXGFpERp5U895Boa-mFTPjuAetn-WwJbL1odzq6x2OHTyQ/s1600/vera-gorbunova-0vdBHqvi6l0-unsplash.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1088" data-original-width="1600" height="271" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjcpQ5UMUmBnKm0ZcTbTVYpYPbSSV13WBuNyxv5XKzKGCweXJgu0IMp5AWqT93RwOufcs2BWdr5GyDIQ1usw00HoOEqFqnMWUzXGFpERp5U895Boa-mFTPjuAetn-WwJbL1odzq6x2OHTyQ/s400/vera-gorbunova-0vdBHqvi6l0-unsplash.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><br /></td></tr></tbody></table><br />The great clock at Willful Cathedral will need to be recalibrated after McVities announced it is reducing the number of Jaffa Cakes in a packet to 10.<br /><br />For more then 800 years, the Willful Cathedral clock has used the Bishop of Splume's incredibly regular hourly consumption of Jaffa Cakes to tell time. Now the Bishop will run out of the tasty snack at 10 o'clock each day and the passage of time will remain unmarked.<br /><br />It's not clear at this stage whether the Willful Cathedral clock will switch to a system other than Jaffa Cake consumption, or change to a 10 hour day. The Cathedral authorities say they are looking into the matter over a cup of tea and a bourbon.<br /><br /><div class="_3bJ2H CHExY"><div class="_1l8RX _1ByhS"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Photo by <a href="https://unsplash.com/@veragorbunova?utm_source=unsplash&utm_medium=referral&utm_content=creditCopyText">Vera Gorbunova</a> on <a href="https://unsplash.com/s/photos/cathedral?utm_source=unsplash&utm_medium=referral&utm_content=creditCopyText">Unsplash</a></span></div></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2572489302893768287.post-69607971641515890622013-10-01T15:48:00.000-07:002020-02-16T03:39:10.425-08:00Secret of eternal fluff found <table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhkWunq5bJvfx_dGjcTR0uTedKCt5ulKHCGDxtJl_FhPt7AIyeLTirePEz53R7CKZtTbSsQ-YYplqcnqCo67Lk44e6yJZCqRy1WYc_qEaKgyLgOq-cWAGJRF8g4wBYprmLCT3P4xJAgTlA1/s1600/wes-hicks-qGheSe6xIVY-unsplash.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1067" data-original-width="1600" height="266" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhkWunq5bJvfx_dGjcTR0uTedKCt5ulKHCGDxtJl_FhPt7AIyeLTirePEz53R7CKZtTbSsQ-YYplqcnqCo67Lk44e6yJZCqRy1WYc_qEaKgyLgOq-cWAGJRF8g4wBYprmLCT3P4xJAgTlA1/s400/wes-hicks-qGheSe6xIVY-unsplash.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><br /></td></tr></tbody></table><br />The Institute of Things has discovered the secret of eternal fluff, although they say it wasn't really what they were looking for.<br /><br />Readers who want to know the secret of eternal fluff should set their tumble driers to 'infinity' and wait.<br /><br />Mrs Tharg of Lumpen Spagfart in her quest for eternal fluff has set her tumble drier to 'infinity' and wants to know low long it will take.<br /><br /><br /><div class="_3bJ2H CHExY"><div class="_1l8RX _1ByhS"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Photo by <a href="https://unsplash.com/@sickhews?utm_source=unsplash&utm_medium=referral&utm_content=creditCopyText">Wes Hicks</a> on <a href="https://unsplash.com/s/photos/fluffy?utm_source=unsplash&utm_medium=referral&utm_content=creditCopyText">Unsplash</a></span></div></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2572489302893768287.post-42518394396320527022013-10-01T15:46:00.000-07:002020-02-16T03:39:10.787-08:00Seven habits of highly effective nonsense <table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg-ip3s6T_RMKAYcMcsYSv3XB7rElaUXN6Poi6hcgqIBXORhBt4FjCjBomBuCGl_io4-m9TrW8Am93mRghoO54rhcbcitPe3fQ7jWaVHri6q3v8auYXjJvDw30hBVW8KXofhCPBcoTrdmZh/s1600/dominik-vanyi-5Fxuo7x-eyg-unsplash.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1002" data-original-width="1600" height="250" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg-ip3s6T_RMKAYcMcsYSv3XB7rElaUXN6Poi6hcgqIBXORhBt4FjCjBomBuCGl_io4-m9TrW8Am93mRghoO54rhcbcitPe3fQ7jWaVHri6q3v8auYXjJvDw30hBVW8KXofhCPBcoTrdmZh/s400/dominik-vanyi-5Fxuo7x-eyg-unsplash.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><br /></td></tr></tbody></table><ul><li> A building site in Wales has banned builders. 'They kept falling off the scaffolding and hurting themselves,' said manager Farley Barnett.</li><li>The Ministry of Defence says that Dave's World of Reggae Badgers is interfering with its radar systems. It's thought the badgers are jamming.</li><li>After over eighty years of fending off annoying customer phone calls, the Royal Mint is acquiescing and from Tuesday will sell mints.</li><li>Members of the Catford Sidings Fat Club are to ask the government to legalise trifle, unaware that trifle has been legal since 1471.</li><li>People who have booked a holiday to Spanner have been told it is a mechanic's tool and not an exotic country.</li><li>After its five-year deep-ocean mission, the Institute of Things has revealed the bottom of the Atlantic is mostly made of sand.</li><li>Britain's total borrowing includes 14 billion lawnmowers, 5 billion hedge trimmers, 9 million ladders and two cheese graters. </li></ul><span style="font-size: x-small;">Photo by <a href="https://unsplash.com/@dominik_photography?utm_source=unsplash&utm_medium=referral&utm_content=creditCopyText">Dominik Vanyi</a> on <a href="https://unsplash.com/s/photos/funny?utm_source=unsplash&utm_medium=referral&utm_content=creditCopyText">Unsplash</a></span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2572489302893768287.post-60864205892300139372012-11-22T14:31:00.000-08:002020-02-16T03:39:13.334-08:00Top 7 ways to reintroduce extinct species <br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><b><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjHuKGcykZeqCHY0nsbLQWU-e8_BInVkrrdbc8Y1QluXbpCFwuxdkOYxqILcuZqPbc71R5-RSY1EhtDEX6dIMTKQRdLZ6kHNpyeQgNQ1cVAtM694HzTFj_hda_v2NEZLPp3e2wtplnT8XEp/s1600/gary-bendig-k2U2SlK6tbM-unsplash.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1067" data-original-width="1600" height="266" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjHuKGcykZeqCHY0nsbLQWU-e8_BInVkrrdbc8Y1QluXbpCFwuxdkOYxqILcuZqPbc71R5-RSY1EhtDEX6dIMTKQRdLZ6kHNpyeQgNQ1cVAtM694HzTFj_hda_v2NEZLPp3e2wtplnT8XEp/s400/gary-bendig-k2U2SlK6tbM-unsplash.jpg" width="400" /></a></b></div><b> </b><br /><br /><b>Our top 7 ways to reintroduce extinct species is an environmental infographic sponsored by our partners Sidings Sludge for all your decimated wetland needs. </b><br /><br /><ol><li>A small bear has become unaccountably stuck in a tree used for storage by Sidings Honey Ltd. The fire brigade have been called. </li><li>Almost 42% of tigers use *<i>grrroar</i>* as the password on their voicemails, 15% use *<i>bouncy</i>* and 5% use "<i>frosties</i>". </li><li>Matvian impresario Vladamir Tukmahedov is to produce a seven-hour musical based on the British weather for the the Farapma Opera House. One critic commented:<i> I expect it will be drizzle. </i> </li><li>Researchers have discovered a Mayan tablet which says everything will end on 21 Dec 2012 is actually a South Erst Trains press release. </li><li>A new fish and chip shop only for those who went to school at Eton will be called <i>Know your plaice</i>. A new fish and chip shop for those who received a comprehensive education will be called <i>Cod do batter</i>. </li><li>A top supermarket has apologised over its green energy hamster-wheel project when it emerged some of the hamsters were using mopeds. </li><li>This year's International Cheese Jamboree (the 15th) will see a ton of brie fired 4 miles into the air. Planning permission has been sought. </li></ol><br /><div class="_3bJ2H CHExY"><div class="_1l8RX _1ByhS"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span>Photo by <a href="https://unsplash.com/@kris_ricepees?utm_source=unsplash&utm_medium=referral&utm_content=creditCopyText">Gary Bendig</a> on <a href="https://unsplash.com/s/photos/funny?utm_source=unsplash&utm_medium=referral&utm_content=creditCopyText">Unsplash</a></span></span></div></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2572489302893768287.post-7176288304089257012012-11-01T13:42:00.000-07:002020-02-16T03:39:14.426-08:0075 life-changing ways to change your life<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg6CzaLg8Bl4p3C3yqLSLhDCNj_7U3nV7Cg7jep0TQbP5WfJxKDgeNUIapOGNLkt0OLJwufaBNsx_kJ2aRfD8T1wqY5xHOMn7xELE_79PRCS3cDRTM-gwzq9P7rVTaKYJ5iHHWhb7tWQTN4/s1600/ivana-cajina-dnL6ZIpht2s-unsplash.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1064" data-original-width="1600" height="265" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg6CzaLg8Bl4p3C3yqLSLhDCNj_7U3nV7Cg7jep0TQbP5WfJxKDgeNUIapOGNLkt0OLJwufaBNsx_kJ2aRfD8T1wqY5xHOMn7xELE_79PRCS3cDRTM-gwzq9P7rVTaKYJ5iHHWhb7tWQTN4/s400/ivana-cajina-dnL6ZIpht2s-unsplash.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><br /><b>Seventy five live-changing opportunities have been assembled just for you by the team at the International Journal of Nonsense: </b><br /><ol><li>Scientists working frantically at the Institute of Things in Groosumville, Arizona have discovered a link between jam and toast. It's butter. </li><li>The Bank of Nonsense has accidentally put all its money in the washing machine and says many of the notes are ruined. An inquiry is expected.</li><li>Scientists looking into why sometimes things go wrong say that often someone is to blame. Usually it is a different person each time.</li><li>Maps for a number of sat navs erroneously have routes to Apollo Street, Pewford Ponds going round the moon twice. This makes some journey times incorrect. </li><li>Mercedes Benz have genetically modified a giant bee so that it will carry five people in comfort. It is to be the new B-class.</li><li>Up to 20% of fish are cheating on their partners according to new research by <span class="invisible">http://</span><span class="js-display-url">divorce-a-fish.com</span>. 14% of these are haddock.</li><li>An earlier report advertising an evening with The Jim Douche Bagpipe Band should, of course, have referred to The Jim Douchebag Pipe Band. </li><li>The Church of the Discarded Sporran is trying to block a Hollywood movie based on the life of its founder, Tufty the Safety Squirrel.</li><li>The internet is to get new addressing based on the Dewey decimal system. Websites will now be stored on wooden shelves.</li><li>The National Trust has imported Polar bears into Somerset and painted them with a black stripe in a move designed to annoy badgers. </li></ol>The other 65 are on page 74... <br /><br /><br /><div class="_3bJ2H CHExY"><div class="_1l8RX _1ByhS"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span>Photo by <a href="https://unsplash.com/@von_co?utm_source=unsplash&utm_medium=referral&utm_content=creditCopyText">Ivana Cajina</a> on <a href="https://unsplash.com/s/photos/funny?utm_source=unsplash&utm_medium=referral&utm_content=creditCopyText">Unsplash</a></span></span></div></div><br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2572489302893768287.post-85139425745881930202012-07-25T14:21:00.000-07:002020-02-16T03:39:15.879-08:0012 ways to improve your life<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgUh1G7o_N7uO1mndzGgnB9kxg5jNTP4YfW-ZrlY2mxYtxyDHUC2smIUG6d765ePmjBLDdzfEIrZIi2oCkjSzZRV9z5L0aq0YcOYTVzKCGHqcbSqQFybwPbrAKhvlgLvtmqHnP7m4rtyk4J/s1600/pineapple-supply-co-qWlkCwBnwOE-unsplash.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1067" data-original-width="1600" height="266" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgUh1G7o_N7uO1mndzGgnB9kxg5jNTP4YfW-ZrlY2mxYtxyDHUC2smIUG6d765ePmjBLDdzfEIrZIi2oCkjSzZRV9z5L0aq0YcOYTVzKCGHqcbSqQFybwPbrAKhvlgLvtmqHnP7m4rtyk4J/s400/pineapple-supply-co-qWlkCwBnwOE-unsplash.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><br /><b>Everything you need to know to have a successful and fulfilling life, in twelve handy, bite-sized chunks. </b><br /><ol><li>George Osborne is expected to deny possessing over 78 tonnes of unpasturised cheese. </li><li>The Olympic stadium, which was finished well ahead of schedule, has accidentally been taken down and put back in its bags two months early. </li><li>The Institute of Things course *Ethics for Senior Journalists* has had to be cancelled because of heavy sarcasm. </li><li>Scientists at the Institute of Things announce the discovery of a new particle. It was under a bench and they have called it *dust*. The particle *dust* is not the same as dust, scientists say: that would just be silly. </li><li>Choux pastry experts say it will be extinct by 2015. There are simply not enough choux trees left to breed successfully. </li><li>For security reasons, lion taming has been banned in London for the period of the Olympics. The synchronised lion taming is obviously exempt. </li><li>Gorillas have been given the vote in Miffuania. They have voted for unlimited free banana loaf cake for gorillas. </li><li>Bottled water companies admit they have to chase frogs out of 9% of production because of crazy EU rules that say factories must have frogs. </li><li>Fewer than 1% of people who enter Wimbledon win it (this is true for the tennis tournament and the town itself). </li><li>The film Ghostbusters is to be remade using cheese and pineapple chunks instead of actors. The budget for the film is $49. </li><li>The League of Traditional Pirates is urging its members to adopt a more proactive customer service policy following a number of complaints. </li><li>A plan to rename Thug Street as Lovely Avenue was defeated at Catford Sidings Council last night. A compromise Thugly Road was also rejected. </li></ol><br /><div class="_3bJ2H CHExY"><div class="_1l8RX _1ByhS"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span>Photo by <a href="https://unsplash.com/@pineapple?utm_source=unsplash&utm_medium=referral&utm_content=creditCopyText">Pineapple Supply Co.</a> on <a href="https://unsplash.com/s/photos/funny?utm_source=unsplash&utm_medium=referral&utm_content=creditCopyText">Unsplash</a></span></span></div></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2572489302893768287.post-38480993157929913372012-07-23T14:28:00.000-07:002020-02-16T03:39:16.241-08:00Agency denies unicorns<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgo7ko3L9UWxb1Sea7AiV5s-OEWwDlToOqw7XbKfFQ-GomFIVJMA8cMdlwMyzbu5WjtngPHi-y_489tC490Rk0FynBIhzQ60xnxQxV7Udpaot2u091BEOrN4mC4vMe0Us8KM1BuxbdgGFDG/s1600/michael-9wXvgLMDetA-unsplash.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1026" data-original-width="1600" height="256" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgo7ko3L9UWxb1Sea7AiV5s-OEWwDlToOqw7XbKfFQ-GomFIVJMA8cMdlwMyzbu5WjtngPHi-y_489tC490Rk0FynBIhzQ60xnxQxV7Udpaot2u091BEOrN4mC4vMe0Us8KM1BuxbdgGFDG/s400/michael-9wXvgLMDetA-unsplash.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><br />The US Mythical Beast Agency says most unicorn sightings are, in fact, horses with tin-foil covered cardboard cones on their heads.<br /><br />The Agency also says the sighting of a minotaur in Cleveland was two actors taking a break from their role as pantomime horse.<br /><br />In an uncharacteristic twist of irony, the US Mythical Beast Agency has claimed it doesn't itself exist. Weather balloons are being blamed.<br /><br /><br /><div class="_3bJ2H CHExY"><div class="_1l8RX _1ByhS"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span>Photo by <a href="https://unsplash.com/@michael75?utm_source=unsplash&utm_medium=referral&utm_content=creditCopyText">Michael</a> on <a href="https://unsplash.com/s/photos/government?utm_source=unsplash&utm_medium=referral&utm_content=creditCopyText">Unsplash</a></span></span></div></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2572489302893768287.post-66360254744457708132012-05-26T11:00:00.000-07:002020-02-16T03:39:18.422-08:00Miffuanians breach Sidings' fish quota<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg_vVWE_pCHW0GNETF-Q91so_iCSW0ekTLKTaVeXl8JF3BR1w6ODsg7gEcq_7xKu9tdFrWCdKp2uhqmeOG7cDAojMewJFDE2slvKi_cD3oX6k9EiDmNQXtRA1jV86JWrGOSRbOHT1Udm7Xx/s1600/noaa-8OQTTAEXcPA-unsplash.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1151" data-original-width="1600" height="287" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg_vVWE_pCHW0GNETF-Q91so_iCSW0ekTLKTaVeXl8JF3BR1w6ODsg7gEcq_7xKu9tdFrWCdKp2uhqmeOG7cDAojMewJFDE2slvKi_cD3oX6k9EiDmNQXtRA1jV86JWrGOSRbOHT1Udm7Xx/s400/noaa-8OQTTAEXcPA-unsplash.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><br /> Miffuanian trawlers have steamed up Catford Sidings High Street and stolen all the battered cod from the Star Chip shop, in a moved described by Sidings' authorities as <i>provocative</i>. <br /><br />The Royal Navy says it is unable to patrol Catford Sidings High Street against foreign trawlers because its destroyers are too wide and there is insufficient water for them to float. <br /><br />But Grevin Mudworthy, mayor of Catford Sidings, has asked the Navy to send a submarine up the sewage system. <i>These Miffuanian fishing boats are breaching EU quotas by turning up at chip shops and taking all their fish,</i> he said. <i>It has to be stopped. </i><br /><br /><i>They were very sneaky,</i> said Hugh Jappetite of the Star chip shop. <i>Two fishermen entered from either end of the counter with a large net which they threw over our warmer. As they departed, the net was winched at high speed and all our battered fish disappeared out the door. </i><br /><br />A spokesman for the Navy said Catford Sidings' antiquated sewage system was never designed for modern submarine warfare but declined to deny that submarines would be deployed.<br /><br /><br /><div class="_3bJ2H CHExY"><div class="_1l8RX _1ByhS"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span>Photo by <a href="https://unsplash.com/@noaa?utm_source=unsplash&utm_medium=referral&utm_content=creditCopyText">NOAA</a> on <a href="https://unsplash.com/s/photos/trawler?utm_source=unsplash&utm_medium=referral&utm_content=creditCopyText">Unsplash</a></span></span></div></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2572489302893768287.post-91652146061628025992012-05-16T08:57:00.000-07:002020-02-16T03:39:18.785-08:0010 ways to improve your life<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgDymTb_Ekt9jA4ZV0JrpqNooeBJWzcitIrbGvOFRfF15YH1cvF86D5HDTTfmjJurHPRr5pZrcXGplcYNuOYLBEMJNjg-WcWI0I0rn06n9habJWiolKB5N0ETD2WSPjoAXeDyxNKejyMlJX/s1600/isi-parente-Ki8o45ow65U-unsplash.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1066" data-original-width="1600" height="266" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgDymTb_Ekt9jA4ZV0JrpqNooeBJWzcitIrbGvOFRfF15YH1cvF86D5HDTTfmjJurHPRr5pZrcXGplcYNuOYLBEMJNjg-WcWI0I0rn06n9habJWiolKB5N0ETD2WSPjoAXeDyxNKejyMlJX/s400/isi-parente-Ki8o45ow65U-unsplash.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><br />Ten ways to improve your life than you may have missed (a round up from the Nonsense Twitterstream): <br /><br /><ol><li>15% of laybies are owned by the Church of the Discarded Sporran. It is thought to be an error relating to Church plans to buy up ley lines. </li><li>The Space Research Institute says strange lights in the sky over Catford Sidings are fireflies which have gained access to a trampoline. </li><li>In a radical solution to the third runway controversy, Harumph airport is to be closed entirely to make way for a railway station. </li><li>Researchers at the Tobbit Spanworth Institute say there may never be a cure for cyclism but its effects can be mitigated by stealing saddles. </li><li>People who wear cats as hats have been asked to stay away from the Ponsea Regatta after last year's fur ball fiasco. </li><li>For structural reasons, the 951 foot Catford Sidings 'tower of custard' will have to be built from shoe boxes the planning office says. </li><li>The citizens of Dagenham Ditches have voted 55% to 42% in favour of suet over ladders. The German government has refused to comment. </li><li>The chemical similarity between jam and plastic may have contributed to the great traffic cone factory fire of 1974, new research shows. </li><li>Consultancy firm BB Gunn Misfire Eyebrow Loss has banned use of the phrase "primordial soup" for fear of offending soup lovers. </li></ol><br /><div class="_3bJ2H CHExY"><div class="_1l8RX _1ByhS"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span>Photo by <a href="https://unsplash.com/@isiparente?utm_source=unsplash&utm_medium=referral&utm_content=creditCopyText">Isi Parente</a> on <a href="https://unsplash.com/s/photos/funny?utm_source=unsplash&utm_medium=referral&utm_content=creditCopyText">Unsplash</a></span></span></div></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2572489302893768287.post-37987674520625380232012-04-17T14:58:00.000-07:002020-02-16T03:39:20.239-08:00Nonsense T-shirt offerMake your own Nonsense T-shirt with this handy cut-out-and-keep guide:<br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-kLZEzk7B_DU/T43nd9TKgEI/AAAAAAAAAKI/887rmq7O9II/s1600/nonsense+t-shirt.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-kLZEzk7B_DU/T43nd9TKgEI/AAAAAAAAAKI/887rmq7O9II/s1600/nonsense+t-shirt.jpg" /></a></div><br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2572489302893768287.post-29068885910353320382012-04-14T14:02:00.000-07:002020-02-16T03:39:21.692-08:00Dutch discover large particle<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjfAdTNOcHmCV9w1Ti9td5Nr60LvFryW8shyphenhyphenlAvtP8T-muPDq0zcolgxM-r4EfD2G1wAsTKcyfk4zxVfKgRCIL9fBGQ6NoKqztHk7nzn04E8XLHc6dlBexoWod_NtjZZSHijjHUFwF9xDnK/s1600/sharon-mccutcheon-ZQI6N_jaM_I-unsplash.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1067" data-original-width="1600" height="266" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjfAdTNOcHmCV9w1Ti9td5Nr60LvFryW8shyphenhyphenlAvtP8T-muPDq0zcolgxM-r4EfD2G1wAsTKcyfk4zxVfKgRCIL9fBGQ6NoKqztHk7nzn04E8XLHc6dlBexoWod_NtjZZSHijjHUFwF9xDnK/s400/sharon-mccutcheon-ZQI6N_jaM_I-unsplash.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><br /><br />Dutch scientists have discovered that the clementine may be a fundamental particle in quantum physics and not, as originally thought, a type of fruit. <br /><br />If their research is verified, the clementine will be by far the largest of the fundamental particles.<br /><br />The search is now on for the anti-clementine, said Hoof van Grallopeen of the Nederlands Institut den Fretiltungal in Antwerpen Zeedenks. We suspect it will be much the same shape and size as a clementine but will be yellow with the word "Dunlop" stamped in it.<br /><br /><br /><div class="_3bJ2H CHExY"><div class="_1l8RX _1ByhS"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span>Photo by <a href="https://unsplash.com/@sharonmccutcheon?utm_source=unsplash&utm_medium=referral&utm_content=creditCopyText">Sharon McCutcheon</a> on <a href="https://unsplash.com/s/photos/clementine?utm_source=unsplash&utm_medium=referral&utm_content=creditCopyText">Unsplash</a></span></span></div></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2572489302893768287.post-43227536752791400692012-04-13T04:01:00.000-07:002020-02-16T03:39:22.057-08:00Rocket test fails<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjThns_T19aGduhSJs4j1BsNS_sy4OjDAT2OJ-4dAYM7RlLCO-fmXYN__xAHbGPs-zE4a9xPM8h9jTJJ-KASEtLhHxM9YcS52l3sGT2ckBAnnYpwHvB1fy9na_OhnZSRt-V5IpKhyphenhyphen_0_OsM/s1600/nasa-n463SoeSiVY-unsplash.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1068" data-original-width="1600" height="266" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjThns_T19aGduhSJs4j1BsNS_sy4OjDAT2OJ-4dAYM7RlLCO-fmXYN__xAHbGPs-zE4a9xPM8h9jTJJ-KASEtLhHxM9YcS52l3sGT2ckBAnnYpwHvB1fy9na_OhnZSRt-V5IpKhyphenhyphen_0_OsM/s400/nasa-n463SoeSiVY-unsplash.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><br />Tests of the marmalade-powered Nonsense Rocket ended in disaster yesterday when bits of peel got stuck in the rocket motor and the device crashed to earth only moments after launch. <br /><br />Scientists at the NonsenseLabs in Caterwall Slimmenpill have been working on the rocket for months in a bid to prove that conserves can successfully be used to power space missions. However, some experts say that marmalade-powered space travel is impossible due to the lack of oranges in space. <br /><br /><i>In the history of everything that has worked, there has always been a stage when it didn't work,</i> said Prof Bagel P Fungass of the NonsenseLabs. <i>We are at that stage now and this is to be expected. Powering a rocket by marmalade is not a trivial matter. </i><br /><br />The scientists are now working on a rocket design that works on peel-less marmadale. If it successful, its first mission will be to carry orange pips to Mars. It is thought that this will remove the only real obstacle to the rocket's development by putting oranges into space. <br /><br /><i>If orange trees can be successfully grown on Mars,</i> said Prof Fungass, <i>then the people of Catford Sidings may be the first to live on another planet. </i><br /><br />The mayor of Catford Sidings commented that the Nonsense Rocket scientists are already living on another planet.<br /><br /><br /><div class="_3bJ2H CHExY"><div class="_1l8RX _1ByhS"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Photo by <a href="https://unsplash.com/@nasa?utm_source=unsplash&utm_medium=referral&utm_content=creditCopyText">NASA</a> on <a href="https://unsplash.com/s/photos/rocket-blast?utm_source=unsplash&utm_medium=referral&utm_content=creditCopyText">Unsplash</a></span></div></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2572489302893768287.post-66583277486542837332012-03-26T12:31:00.000-07:002020-02-16T03:39:22.784-08:00Bus company rejects maths<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgU50wy2FJ85XbP3oWZqMQ9k-5eu0UnKUexiSG-DwjUbqu0_Ih56jh1fCemA6X4iZ_-s-xhVMQkp0ItMyyYKmr7KcX4T5ooQOt94Obw51exJLW4p74gWhOX2_18j1JAE9J2W0si12F_VXmx/s1600/juan-encalada-6mcVaoGNz1w-unsplash.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1069" data-original-width="1600" height="266" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgU50wy2FJ85XbP3oWZqMQ9k-5eu0UnKUexiSG-DwjUbqu0_Ih56jh1fCemA6X4iZ_-s-xhVMQkp0ItMyyYKmr7KcX4T5ooQOt94Obw51exJLW4p74gWhOX2_18j1JAE9J2W0si12F_VXmx/s400/juan-encalada-6mcVaoGNz1w-unsplash.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><br />Lewisham Ponds Bus Service is to replace mathematics with spiritualism in a bid to make customers happier. <br /><br />This means the No.54 to Catford Sidings will be rebranded the <i>Healing Energy</i> and will only accept payment in exact kindness. <br /><br /><br /><div class="_3bJ2H CHExY"><div class="_1l8RX _1ByhS"><span>Ph<span style="font-size: x-small;">oto by <a href="https://unsplash.com/@juanencalada?utm_source=unsplash&utm_medium=referral&utm_content=creditCopyText">Juan Encalada</a> on <a href="https://unsplash.com/s/photos/bus?utm_source=unsplash&utm_medium=referral&utm_content=creditCopyText">Unsplash</a></span></span></div></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2572489302893768287.post-82632699103943734122012-03-14T02:15:00.000-07:002020-02-16T03:39:32.285-08:00Electric cheese<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEilEk-O3X2c3EqyfEBi9o4SK_PhLgo41ck8hHSKS0icVLmhB59r8eEq-y29LBoWzh7WN8GiVSOu75JkN6Z3ws6Tb4GgbHIEWiEdPPatq60Bp3OJBmoEGrWmFuBxlATsFsnsmnX08RVSVgbL/s1600/alex-dukhanov-MW_gSoWAIS8-unsplash.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1067" data-original-width="1600" height="266" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEilEk-O3X2c3EqyfEBi9o4SK_PhLgo41ck8hHSKS0icVLmhB59r8eEq-y29LBoWzh7WN8GiVSOu75JkN6Z3ws6Tb4GgbHIEWiEdPPatq60Bp3OJBmoEGrWmFuBxlATsFsnsmnX08RVSVgbL/s400/alex-dukhanov-MW_gSoWAIS8-unsplash.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><br /> Scientists have succeeded in making electrons from cheese in a development which could see the entire electricity network becoming cheese based.<br /><br /><i>We created finer and finer parmesan graters until eventually we were able to extract individual atomic components,</i> said Prof Chiara Expensivo of the Institutiano Italiano di Ciesi Experimento. <i>Because electrons gather on the outside of a cheese, we are able to extract those first and so make electricity. </i><br /><br />A full-scale cheese-powered electrical generation plant is some way off and Prof Expensivo admits there are still technical problems which need to be overcome. <br /><br /><i>The biggest problem we have,</i> she said,<i> is where is all the cheese going to come from. </i><br /><br /><br /><br /><div class="_3bJ2H CHExY"><div class="_1l8RX _1ByhS"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span>Photo by <a href="https://unsplash.com/@argtone?utm_source=unsplash&utm_medium=referral&utm_content=creditCopyText">Alex Dukhanov</a> on <a href="https://unsplash.com/s/photos/electricity?utm_source=unsplash&utm_medium=referral&utm_content=creditCopyText">Unsplash</a></span></span></div></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2572489302893768287.post-58201233716135922872012-03-08T14:41:00.000-08:002020-02-17T09:04:14.430-08:00Middled aged slipper-wearers<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Middle-aged people are eight times more likely to wear slippers than those in the 18 to 30 group, new research has revealed.<br />
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The Centre for Social Footwear's study also discovered that 15% of Britons think Doc Martin is a doctor. <br />
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2572489302893768287.post-74912760484001642642012-03-08T14:22:00.000-08:002020-02-17T09:45:04.418-08:00Electrons charged<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Two electrons have collided on the Catford Sidings ring road thanks to unusual solar activity. <br />
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Police said there was a small charge as a result of the collision but no-one was hurt.<br />
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<span style="font-size: x-small;"><span>Photo by <a href="https://unsplash.com/@soberanes?utm_source=unsplash&utm_medium=referral&utm_content=creditCopyText">Uriel Soberanes</a> on <a href="https://unsplash.com/s/photos/collision?utm_source=unsplash&utm_medium=referral&utm_content=creditCopyText">Unsplash</a></span></span></div>
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2572489302893768287.post-91386265904500615282012-03-02T12:10:00.000-08:002020-02-17T10:01:32.105-08:00Top seven funniest animals<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Once again mammals dominate in the Institute of Comedic Zoology's official top seven funniest animals. The 2012 list is: <br />
<ol>
<li>The buff Orpington duck </li>
<li>The Bolivian squirrel </li>
<li>The hoary bat </li>
<li>The Indonesian stink badger</li>
<li>The Berabish camel </li>
<li>The western screech owl </li>
<li>The flat-headed kusimanse </li>
</ol>
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<span style="font-size: x-small;"><span>Photo by <a href="https://unsplash.com/@htroupe?utm_source=unsplash&utm_medium=referral&utm_content=creditCopyText">Hannah Troupe</a> on <a href="https://unsplash.com/s/photos/berabish-camel?utm_source=unsplash&utm_medium=referral&utm_content=creditCopyText">Unsplash</a></span></span></div>
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2572489302893768287.post-83824191476041528012012-02-25T04:26:00.000-08:002020-02-17T10:25:02.860-08:00Tigershrews vs Rhinomoles<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjwsNUL3hq6H8dU4bKbldJZMEbeaxHck8ldkZeNwbCV7jBCzx0hQ9eDCBgnKc9ZN0rBh5j1K_rF6yTHRbqNt9Yk6w1fmJBq2M7ZRkKTbUlflZ3V2G-7LkQ74s8vNNHhBaEu13973cBkJLt0/s1600/geran-de-klerk-KsMD_tAdjg0-unsplash.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1067" data-original-width="1600" height="266" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjwsNUL3hq6H8dU4bKbldJZMEbeaxHck8ldkZeNwbCV7jBCzx0hQ9eDCBgnKc9ZN0rBh5j1K_rF6yTHRbqNt9Yk6w1fmJBq2M7ZRkKTbUlflZ3V2G-7LkQ74s8vNNHhBaEu13973cBkJLt0/s400/geran-de-klerk-KsMD_tAdjg0-unsplash.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
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Scientists have successfully crossed a tiger with a shrew to produce a cat that burrows. It is expected to help control the mole population.<br />
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Meanwhile, other scientists have crossed a mole and a rhinoceros to produce an animal that does *real* damage to your lawn. <br />
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<i>It was highly irresponsible to breed a mole that could create havoc,</i> said Jim Following of the Radical Gardiners League. <i>We can only hope that the tigershrew breeds in sufficient numbers to wipe out the rhinomole. </i><br />
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Gas supplies in Furflung Nundings were disrupted for two days after an escaped tigershrew ate through a pipeline and the A24 at Pickles Jarring was closed after a tigershrew ate straight through a bridge. A 500m gorge has opened up Soonshire. It is thought to have been created by a colony of tigershrews. <br />
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The collapse of Catford Sidings hospital is being blamed on rhinomoles undermining the foundations. <br />
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Scientists are now working to cross a blue whale with a cheetah in the hope that the resultant animal will eat rhinomoles and tigershrews. <br />
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<span style="font-size: x-small;"><span>Photo by <a href="https://unsplash.com/@gerandeklerk?utm_source=unsplash&utm_medium=referral&utm_content=creditCopyText">Geran de Klerk</a> on <a href="https://unsplash.com/s/photos/rhino?utm_source=unsplash&utm_medium=referral&utm_content=creditCopyText">Unsplash</a></span></span></div>
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2572489302893768287.post-90164192013229664062012-02-21T09:31:00.000-08:002020-02-17T10:41:46.103-08:00Cheese planet raises questions<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhqFTsCLNfjeglF5HBCjCtOXOut7WNGqt2yv9yelkWe67oyq0g5NKqlv6A6xitj1y311N78iRmid0FSB4QnDYqzmz4MH27TxBCYK9hZCVQI7h2oM5VxLiK9pVXzsgD8f6JkpeKnVN3C_aQ7/s1600/daniel-olah-1nUNsmWfcSk-unsplash.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1067" data-original-width="1600" height="266" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhqFTsCLNfjeglF5HBCjCtOXOut7WNGqt2yv9yelkWe67oyq0g5NKqlv6A6xitj1y311N78iRmid0FSB4QnDYqzmz4MH27TxBCYK9hZCVQI7h2oM5VxLiK9pVXzsgD8f6JkpeKnVN3C_aQ7/s400/daniel-olah-1nUNsmWfcSk-unsplash.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
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A new type of planet made entirely from cheese has been discovered just 181.6 light years from earth. <br />
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Scientists at the Bamford Buggly Space Science Laboratories have confirmed that the chemical composition of planet g7483 is exactly the same as that of goats cheese.<br />
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<i>The discovery raises some fundamental questions about the nature of the universe, </i>said Prof Nestor McFester of the BBSSL.<i> For instance, how can their be a planet made out of goats cheese without their being some kind of giant goat out there? </i><br />
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<span style="font-size: x-small;"><span>Photo by <a href="https://unsplash.com/@danesduet?utm_source=unsplash&utm_medium=referral&utm_content=creditCopyText">Daniel Olah</a> on <a href="https://unsplash.com/s/photos/planet?utm_source=unsplash&utm_medium=referral&utm_content=creditCopyText">Unsplash</a></span></span></div>
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2572489302893768287.post-68255486810530476592012-02-20T09:45:00.000-08:002020-02-17T10:48:54.461-08:00First for Ferrori<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiOXYAmFh6abe6bCR66kHC1_9ywRy13t980awzIcIheS6sSmjGKeNdn2O8XLRCqjmRgHvP3caH0yNRrMty2gsOJjEBZd6BmWPDeebDiCd8QIUM9g9v5Hbnm3K4C61GAXfu895ezUmt-WPw4/s1600/goh-rhy-yan-f_SDCASisgs-unsplash.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1067" data-original-width="1600" height="266" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiOXYAmFh6abe6bCR66kHC1_9ywRy13t980awzIcIheS6sSmjGKeNdn2O8XLRCqjmRgHvP3caH0yNRrMty2gsOJjEBZd6BmWPDeebDiCd8QIUM9g9v5Hbnm3K4C61GAXfu895ezUmt-WPw4/s400/goh-rhy-yan-f_SDCASisgs-unsplash.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
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Ferrori has announced that its new car, entirely powered by drain cloggage, achieved lap times better than 78 minutes on the Nurburgring in Germany. It averaged speeds in excess of 9.9mph. <br />
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It has been calculated that it would achieve 0 to 60mph in a little over 15 minutes if it were capable of reaching 60mph.<br />
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<i>This is an experimental vehicle, </i>said Franscesco Settinkz of Ferrori's Ecomamamia Unit.<i> What is incredible is that we have been able to power a vehicle from drain cloggage at all, given that it is mostly soap and human hair. </i><br />
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<span style="font-size: x-small;"><span>Photo by <a href="https://unsplash.com/@gohrhyyan?utm_source=unsplash&utm_medium=referral&utm_content=creditCopyText">Goh Rhy Yan</a> on <a href="https://unsplash.com/s/photos/ferrari?utm_source=unsplash&utm_medium=referral&utm_content=creditCopyText">Unsplash</a></span></span></div>
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2572489302893768287.post-50329306525612540742012-02-16T02:00:00.000-08:002020-02-17T10:54:43.269-08:00Flamingo doubts<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjmJGmF_x-YAFQVKGv4q4TfAaflj1OC0gpQMFyehcInYMtARMyPLULEBOqzZSaMZRC85_wQEOjyHMB_ZBQHYr3KrsweASP04CUKeEMW4Vh6llDkAyCLmrMjR_I1do1qW3-SQyGpGEr94aeJ/s1600/dattatreya-patra-RoghbRtRG28-unsplash.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1067" data-original-width="1600" height="266" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjmJGmF_x-YAFQVKGv4q4TfAaflj1OC0gpQMFyehcInYMtARMyPLULEBOqzZSaMZRC85_wQEOjyHMB_ZBQHYr3KrsweASP04CUKeEMW4Vh6llDkAyCLmrMjR_I1do1qW3-SQyGpGEr94aeJ/s400/dattatreya-patra-RoghbRtRG28-unsplash.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
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Meteorolgists say that carrying a flamingo will not protect you from nonsense. In fact, it may make things worse. <br />
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<i>It is a widely held myth that carrying a large pink bird can help nonsense sufferers,</i> said Dimitri Ologist of the Institute of Weather and Things. <i>In practice, research shows that far from helping, it may open you to scorn and ridicule which can only make the effects of nonsense worse. </i><br />
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Parts of the UK have been experiencing high levels of nonsense because of unusual solar activity. However, strange lights in the sky over Catford Sidings turned out to be traffic lights fitted, in error, to poles more than ten times the usual length and not, as first reported, the physical manifestation of the high nonsense levels. <br />
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The Met Office is to include nonsense warnings on its weather charts from 1 April. Areas of high nonsense will be represented by pink flamingos. <br />
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<span style="font-size: x-small;"><span>Photo by <a href="https://unsplash.com/@dattatreyapatra?utm_source=unsplash&utm_medium=referral&utm_content=creditCopyText">Dattatreya Patra</a> on <a href="https://unsplash.com/s/photos/flamingo?utm_source=unsplash&utm_medium=referral&utm_content=creditCopyText">Unsplash</a></span></span></div>
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2572489302893768287.post-24093795599929987312012-02-10T07:22:00.000-08:002020-02-18T01:28:56.361-08:00Camembert found on Mars<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Scientists are at a loss to explain how a fragment of an asteroid which arrived on earth this week from Mars was found to contain traces of camembert cheese.<br />
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<i>As far as we are aware, there are no cheese-making facilities on mars, </i>said Astro-physicist Prof Noodal Priertuck. <i>This points to a secret French space mission that nobody knows about. </i><br />
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A spokesman for the French space agency Fromage d'Espace denied its involvement. <i>We have not been putting the cheese in Martian asteroids,</i> he said. <i>We really do have better things to do with our time. </i><br />
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<span style="font-size: x-small;"><span>Photo by <a href="https://unsplash.com/@jeztimms?utm_source=unsplash&utm_medium=referral&utm_content=creditCopyText">Jez Timms</a> on <a href="https://unsplash.com/s/photos/camembert?utm_source=unsplash&utm_medium=referral&utm_content=creditCopyText">Unsplash</a></span></span></div>
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2572489302893768287.post-88109992558531763892012-02-06T13:45:00.000-08:002020-02-18T01:59:18.477-08:00IJN announces mission to Mars<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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The International Journal of Nonsense is to launch a manned mission to Mars. It will be the first time an International Journal has embarked on a space mission.<br />
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Dubbed Flingoplanet, the mission will be entirely powered by discarded foodstuffs. It is thought there are enough uneaten burgers in the Catford Sidings area alone to propel the spacecraft out of earth's orbit. <br />
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<i>The waste food will be delivered to the spacecraft by advanced rocketry, </i>said Prof Sunby Tombato, head of the IJN space programme. <i>We believe that we can sustain a manned mission on the Mars indefinitely by continually sending discarded burgers in hydrogen-powered missiles. </i><br />
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<span style="font-size: x-small;"><span>Photo by <a href="https://unsplash.com/@lobosnico?utm_source=unsplash&utm_medium=referral&utm_content=creditCopyText">Nicolas Lobos</a> on <a href="https://unsplash.com/s/photos/mars?utm_source=unsplash&utm_medium=referral&utm_content=creditCopyText">Unsplash</a></span></span></div>
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2572489302893768287.post-31160021201581395622012-01-22T11:13:00.000-08:002020-02-18T12:45:00.566-08:00Sandwich preference alliterative<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Astonishing research has revealed that people's sandwich preferences are alliterative. <br />
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This means brass band players prefer beetroot while chess players eat cheese. Cello-playing policemen like cheese and pickle, while bankers specialising in Levantine Trade eat BLT sandwiches. <br />
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Finally the research has discovered that economists eat egg sandwiches while politicians eat pork.<br />
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<span style="font-size: x-small;"><span>Photo by <a href="https://unsplash.com/@gardiept?utm_source=unsplash&utm_medium=referral&utm_content=creditCopyText">Gardie Design & Social Media Marketing</a> on <a href="https://unsplash.com/s/photos/eating-sandwich?utm_source=unsplash&utm_medium=referral&utm_content=creditCopyText">Unsplash</a></span></span></div>
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.com