tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25724893028937682872024-03-14T08:11:19.197-07:00New International Journal of NonsenseUnknownnoreply@blogger.comBlogger28125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2572489302893768287.post-90528636499294363942020-02-17T08:06:00.001-08:002020-02-17T08:06:14.197-08:00Resorts send snow to skiers<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjTVASYSLpanKijVoHslYc7O-QXk_E_GlrpUvYKl2l5QjhdYoh6baPYlh0UxWFNc7waaA5xUyW9R7RgvRgqvQlQa0Lgrsgutgi9P3nYWn6im_pGHlCNOU4-AmUIUsUUsFq7yVQKW3cB_MCg/s1600/maarten-duineveld-pmfJcN7RGiw-unsplash.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1067" data-original-width="1600" height="266" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjTVASYSLpanKijVoHslYc7O-QXk_E_GlrpUvYKl2l5QjhdYoh6baPYlh0UxWFNc7waaA5xUyW9R7RgvRgqvQlQa0Lgrsgutgi9P3nYWn6im_pGHlCNOU4-AmUIUsUUsFq7yVQKW3cB_MCg/s400/maarten-duineveld-pmfJcN7RGiw-unsplash.png" width="400" /></a></div>
<br />
Ski resorts have begun delivering snow by helicopter direct to skiers' homes in a move designed to protect the mountains from the environmental impacts of winter sports enthusiasts.<br />
<br />
<i>Although it is a massive undertaking,</i> say Sled Piler of the Alpine Resorts Institute, <i>it works our more environmentally friendly to take the snow to each skier rather than flying all the skiers and their equipment to the mountains. </i><br />
<br />
Former British downhill champion Barg Matipsonfire commented: <i>It's great to have your own individual snow but my garden is completely flat and it appears to be too warm to keep the skiing surface in tip top condition. </i><br />
<br />
<br />
<div class="_3bJ2H CHExY">
<div class="_1l8RX _1ByhS">
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><span>Photo by <a href="https://unsplash.com/@maarten_jpg?utm_source=unsplash&utm_medium=referral&utm_content=creditCopyText">Maarten Duineveld</a> on <a href="https://unsplash.com/s/photos/skiing?utm_source=unsplash&utm_medium=referral&utm_content=creditCopyText">Unsplash</a></span></span></div>
</div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2572489302893768287.post-74272799143940449412017-09-26T07:04:00.000-07:002020-02-16T03:39:07.870-08:007 heart-warming stories that will make you want to become a dirigible<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhm4-72lnGwTZAwenZocMgBwcXCp4pLUcUGro5nhhKYVSSTA9AsgeJN4nsgl98Mn570fSgN78jf75NCCSoxvbp7_wWqLPYzjfOy12imqbyNhOZ9apgxxD_wZc8OVNOyal5FlCWuxZ2MI1pb/s1600/ahmad-dakhel-0fxUjPi3uv4-unsplash.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1200" data-original-width="1600" height="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhm4-72lnGwTZAwenZocMgBwcXCp4pLUcUGro5nhhKYVSSTA9AsgeJN4nsgl98Mn570fSgN78jf75NCCSoxvbp7_wWqLPYzjfOy12imqbyNhOZ9apgxxD_wZc8OVNOyal5FlCWuxZ2MI1pb/s400/ahmad-dakhel-0fxUjPi3uv4-unsplash.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><br /></td></tr></tbody></table><br />Japanese donkeys predict the end of the earth as we are already up to Generation Z and there are no letters left for future generations.<br /><br />Scientists analysing data from the planet Spanner say it is incapable of sustaining human life but it would be ideal for servicing scooters.<br /><br />Face-tracking technology means sales of the NonsensophoneY are expected to be brisk among people anxious to keep track of their face.<br /><br />Scientists at the University of Quack Theories have edited human DNA and come up with a bloke called DAN.<br /><br />An extremely loud bassoon has been found responsible for unexpected speed bumps outside Flumford Philharmonic Orchestra's practice hall.<br /><br />Thurg School in Prong has sent kids home for wearing nonsense instead of trousers 'We care more about uniforms than education,' the head said.<br /><br />Villagers on the island of Lesbos have denied causing hurricanes although they have been spotted gathering and blowing in the same direction.<br /><br /><span style="font-size: x-small;">Photo by Ahmad Dakhel on Unsplash</span><br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2572489302893768287.post-71718558760647629682017-08-15T16:06:00.000-07:002020-02-16T03:39:09.333-08:00Record already broken<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgil__u0pLCCgUTjmoOxwO-zr-Yrt4ujxXNYvzJRFcAWO1YcUG1tQKzOXbXGvpzNmwtmdh7TWWL4VEu57uUr5ZnzLvBwYUvvXPW0jnboY_w4piCpVgnC70KjXVPh6pza04o1L_q85U3Nl5j/s1600/henry-paul-xF-3yQQaNfU-unsplash.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1067" data-original-width="1600" height="266" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgil__u0pLCCgUTjmoOxwO-zr-Yrt4ujxXNYvzJRFcAWO1YcUG1tQKzOXbXGvpzNmwtmdh7TWWL4VEu57uUr5ZnzLvBwYUvvXPW0jnboY_w4piCpVgnC70KjXVPh6pza04o1L_q85U3Nl5j/s400/henry-paul-xF-3yQQaNfU-unsplash.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><br /></td></tr></tbody></table><br /> Barl Quarlmaral has set off to become the first man to cross the Channel on a baked bean tin, not knowing this was already achieved in 1947 by a housewife from Dingly Twettings.<br /><br />Friends of the explorer say they became aware his latest mission to cross the Channel was a waste of time but didn't like to say anything in case he became disappointed. Mr Quarlmaral has failed in six previous bean-related record attempts. <br /><br /><b>From Social<i>Nonsense</i>:</b><br /><br />Mrs Tharg of Grim Outwardly says she frequently takes a bean tin to the swimming baths but has never thought of going as far as France.<br /><br />Bean Tomz of Stretching Credulity tells us he once planned to attach a jet engine to a bean tin but gave up on the idea because it was mad.<br /><br />Eunice Pewness of Clueless Woodlice says she thinks it would be more appropriate to cross the Channel on a tin of peas. What can we say, Eunice?<br /><br /><span style="font-size: x-small;">Photo by <a href="https://unsplash.com/@henrypaulphotography?utm_source=unsplash&utm_medium=referral&utm_content=creditCopyText">Henry Paul</a> on <a href="https://unsplash.com/s/photos/boating?utm_source=unsplash&utm_medium=referral&utm_content=creditCopyText">Unsplash</a></span> Unknownnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2572489302893768287.post-58602042937860281412013-03-08T16:31:00.000-08:002020-02-16T03:39:11.880-08:00Seven habits of ineffectual unicorns <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhhsKXOwOnwamepX2tUGz3Wj1ECPpr1efxkkED17QiiAFqDir1W7Urw8VIoPGb0bJWulpkTRK_9ShS5c54mMwkQ9vOuXNs-iZMyDdszQK0eb5h9KwjKe73AtzoH_yHHn3jL72rv52LnRwup/s1600/wilmer-martinez-8WR86Z_mLms-unsplash.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1120" data-original-width="1600" height="280" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhhsKXOwOnwamepX2tUGz3Wj1ECPpr1efxkkED17QiiAFqDir1W7Urw8VIoPGb0bJWulpkTRK_9ShS5c54mMwkQ9vOuXNs-iZMyDdszQK0eb5h9KwjKe73AtzoH_yHHn3jL72rv52LnRwup/s400/wilmer-martinez-8WR86Z_mLms-unsplash.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><br /><br />We can all learn important lessons by studying the behaviour of the mythical beast, the Unicorn, Prof Barf McPenury tells us. Here are his top seven lessons from ineffectual unicorns: <br /><ol><li>Pewford Ponds Council says owing to a misunderstanding about the weather forecast, its lorries have been spreading Madeira cake on the roads. </li><li>Athlete Prance Langstrum has admitted to using a bicycle during his events. "It's surprising no-one noticed," he said, "I was a high jumper."</li><li>A government plan to give hedgehogs hot water bottles in the cold snap has been criticised by the Institute of Obvious Mistakes. </li><li>A levels are to be replaced by Facebook photo albums. "These give employers a much better indication of future performance," an expert said. </li><li>Up to 48% of Mars is made from cement according to a new poll of cement industry sales people. The other 52% is made of inferior cement substitute.</li><li>The world wasn't ready for fondue home delivery by catapult according to failed businessman Kurt Spanglewurgler.</li><li>Experts say that 4G mobile technology will use up all the Gs within 3 years. This will be a particular problem for horse-racing enthusiasts. </li></ol>See also: <a href="http://www.nonsens.es/2013/03/seven-more-things-we-can-learn-from.html"><i>Seven more things we can learn from unicorns</i></a><br /><br /><div class="_3bJ2H CHExY"><div class="_1l8RX _1ByhS"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Photo by <a href="https://unsplash.com/@wilmerlens?utm_source=unsplash&utm_medium=referral&utm_content=creditCopyText">Wilmer Martinez</a> on <a href="https://unsplash.com/s/photos/unicorn?utm_source=unsplash&utm_medium=referral&utm_content=creditCopyText">Unsplash</a></span></div></div><i> </i> <br /><ol></ol>Unknownnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2572489302893768287.post-5161819393023097432012-11-06T03:26:00.000-08:002020-02-16T03:39:14.061-08:00Duck for president bid fails <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgTwvur7ODZlvAYIZsq9aKkUDoAWl4BvgCbGb8T6L7feaxWALk8UUxw_hEREb2Lvua9u0IGgS8pHKmf62aekXPbtifkHLMoKoh9URceuNJtU_RAMqz_nIJy_SDdYEZpeQYglmQLhB2gR6N9/s1600/kris-mikael-krister-bafc-Qw2l6Q-unsplash.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1090" data-original-width="1600" height="272" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgTwvur7ODZlvAYIZsq9aKkUDoAWl4BvgCbGb8T6L7feaxWALk8UUxw_hEREb2Lvua9u0IGgS8pHKmf62aekXPbtifkHLMoKoh9URceuNJtU_RAMqz_nIJy_SDdYEZpeQYglmQLhB2gR6N9/s400/kris-mikael-krister-bafc-Qw2l6Q-unsplash.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><br />A last minute third-candidate bid for US President from Daffy Duck failed when it emerged he was born in Kenya.<br /><br /><i>Ridicule is the burden of genius, </i>Mr Duck commented. <i>Can you imagine anything so ridiculous as majority rule? </i><br /><br />Meanwhile, Americans are left with a choice between the lesser of two evils. Polls have the voters balanced neck-and-neck between a president who is useless and a a president who is bonkers. <br /><br /><i>American democracy is a beautiful thing,</i> said one passer-by we latched on to in Washington DC. <i>It just shows that anyone can become president who can raise a billion dollars in campaign funds. </i><br /><br />A spokesperson for the American Institute of Total Warfare which represents the arms industry said <i>We haven't really made up our minds yet. We've been impressed by how much money President Obama has spent in warfare but we're wondering what we can achieve if we put a real looney in charge. </i><br /><br /><br /><div class="_3bJ2H CHExY"><div class="_1l8RX _1ByhS"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span>Photo by <a href="https://unsplash.com/@kmkr?utm_source=unsplash&utm_medium=referral&utm_content=creditCopyText">Kris Mikael Krister</a> on <a href="https://unsplash.com/s/photos/duck?utm_source=unsplash&utm_medium=referral&utm_content=creditCopyText">Unsplash</a></span></span></div></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2572489302893768287.post-18291556861250998792012-07-26T14:46:00.000-07:002020-02-16T03:39:14.790-08:00Weather threatens cake village<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg6_SoSC_3lQ4cwdvBOV3eVAvOBBlE5rIx-1Uw-AVyNY8TVoPBamyk4IJ2NhyphenhyphenDNk6b66H4vd-qPG1GbY2NQDFloq_8VqCtkR91WJM9wcYbhyVlYiZmx2mm2XujcRRo5kwYDT4Z4-cMmm33Q/s1600/misael-moreno-kdyVJH4VWHE-unsplash.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1067" data-original-width="1600" height="266" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg6_SoSC_3lQ4cwdvBOV3eVAvOBBlE5rIx-1Uw-AVyNY8TVoPBamyk4IJ2NhyphenhyphenDNk6b66H4vd-qPG1GbY2NQDFloq_8VqCtkR91WJM9wcYbhyVlYiZmx2mm2XujcRRo5kwYDT4Z4-cMmm33Q/s400/misael-moreno-kdyVJH4VWHE-unsplash.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><br /> Planners of the Olympic Cake Village admit they had not foreseen so much rain in the run up to the Games. Sugar frosting has been abandoned.<br /><br />The large number of temporary repairs needed has caused a jam shortage which is threatening the Olympic demonstration sport jam jar lid removing on water buffalo.<br /><br />The Olympic Cake Village is an exact replica of Bendable Quackscratcher in Devon which is also made of cake.<br /><br /><br /><br /><div class="_3bJ2H CHExY"><div class="_1l8RX _1ByhS"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span>Photo by <a href="https://unsplash.com/@moreno303?utm_source=unsplash&utm_medium=referral&utm_content=creditCopyText">Misael Moreno</a> on <a href="https://unsplash.com/s/photos/cake?utm_source=unsplash&utm_medium=referral&utm_content=creditCopyText">Unsplash</a></span></span></div></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2572489302893768287.post-85139425745881930202012-07-25T14:21:00.000-07:002020-02-16T03:39:15.879-08:0012 ways to improve your life<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgUh1G7o_N7uO1mndzGgnB9kxg5jNTP4YfW-ZrlY2mxYtxyDHUC2smIUG6d765ePmjBLDdzfEIrZIi2oCkjSzZRV9z5L0aq0YcOYTVzKCGHqcbSqQFybwPbrAKhvlgLvtmqHnP7m4rtyk4J/s1600/pineapple-supply-co-qWlkCwBnwOE-unsplash.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1067" data-original-width="1600" height="266" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgUh1G7o_N7uO1mndzGgnB9kxg5jNTP4YfW-ZrlY2mxYtxyDHUC2smIUG6d765ePmjBLDdzfEIrZIi2oCkjSzZRV9z5L0aq0YcOYTVzKCGHqcbSqQFybwPbrAKhvlgLvtmqHnP7m4rtyk4J/s400/pineapple-supply-co-qWlkCwBnwOE-unsplash.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><br /><b>Everything you need to know to have a successful and fulfilling life, in twelve handy, bite-sized chunks. </b><br /><ol><li>George Osborne is expected to deny possessing over 78 tonnes of unpasturised cheese. </li><li>The Olympic stadium, which was finished well ahead of schedule, has accidentally been taken down and put back in its bags two months early. </li><li>The Institute of Things course *Ethics for Senior Journalists* has had to be cancelled because of heavy sarcasm. </li><li>Scientists at the Institute of Things announce the discovery of a new particle. It was under a bench and they have called it *dust*. The particle *dust* is not the same as dust, scientists say: that would just be silly. </li><li>Choux pastry experts say it will be extinct by 2015. There are simply not enough choux trees left to breed successfully. </li><li>For security reasons, lion taming has been banned in London for the period of the Olympics. The synchronised lion taming is obviously exempt. </li><li>Gorillas have been given the vote in Miffuania. They have voted for unlimited free banana loaf cake for gorillas. </li><li>Bottled water companies admit they have to chase frogs out of 9% of production because of crazy EU rules that say factories must have frogs. </li><li>Fewer than 1% of people who enter Wimbledon win it (this is true for the tennis tournament and the town itself). </li><li>The film Ghostbusters is to be remade using cheese and pineapple chunks instead of actors. The budget for the film is $49. </li><li>The League of Traditional Pirates is urging its members to adopt a more proactive customer service policy following a number of complaints. </li><li>A plan to rename Thug Street as Lovely Avenue was defeated at Catford Sidings Council last night. A compromise Thugly Road was also rejected. </li></ol><br /><div class="_3bJ2H CHExY"><div class="_1l8RX _1ByhS"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span>Photo by <a href="https://unsplash.com/@pineapple?utm_source=unsplash&utm_medium=referral&utm_content=creditCopyText">Pineapple Supply Co.</a> on <a href="https://unsplash.com/s/photos/funny?utm_source=unsplash&utm_medium=referral&utm_content=creditCopyText">Unsplash</a></span></span></div></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2572489302893768287.post-38183418514289567482012-05-27T08:41:00.000-07:002020-02-16T03:39:17.333-08:00Top ten how to pull birds<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEijj3kHXPZDOGe9Qs2NFWFAdgbscWoLbkhN7GBIOTLYE2rozE856Y80vRNiREtiBqB5XFyzLBNzGKlXln2HuVYHuRYvVeQxv8Kqj_Gwt1r5L-LkWzkTRjKUVZE-AnU33ShrM66FblZxZHEa/s1600/yuriy-bogdanov-XsWO2c_R7u4-unsplash.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1067" data-original-width="1600" height="266" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEijj3kHXPZDOGe9Qs2NFWFAdgbscWoLbkhN7GBIOTLYE2rozE856Y80vRNiREtiBqB5XFyzLBNzGKlXln2HuVYHuRYvVeQxv8Kqj_Gwt1r5L-LkWzkTRjKUVZE-AnU33ShrM66FblZxZHEa/s400/yuriy-bogdanov-XsWO2c_R7u4-unsplash.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><br />Brought to you by the Wendle Poons Ornithology Society. <br /><br />1. What's a nice gull like you doing in a place like this. <br />2. Hello starling. <br />3. Fancy a shag? <br />4. Do you come here oft hen? <br />5. Great tits. <br />6. Wren will you be mine. <br />7. Safety first: use a condor. <br />8. Would you like to see my willow warbler? <br />9. I have a range of essential massage owls. <br />10. If I told you I had an ostrich would you scratch it?<br /><br /><br /><div class="_3bJ2H CHExY"><div class="_1l8RX _1ByhS"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span>Photo by <a href="https://unsplash.com/@profepix?utm_source=unsplash&utm_medium=referral&utm_content=creditCopyText">Yuriy Bogdanov</a> on <a href="https://unsplash.com/s/photos/glamour?utm_source=unsplash&utm_medium=referral&utm_content=creditCopyText">Unsplash</a></span></span></div></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2572489302893768287.post-33003990819549757772012-04-22T13:28:00.000-07:002020-02-16T03:39:19.509-08:00F1 driver wins marathon<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjW3YJ_hLwy4UmZseqj1UUBvIE5oGVXUL2nVfCo3h0zwJF7_SQJdhC3GoxudH7w1mInzotYW3ls20FWt9v9amT9xs_hQE8wgbvOjoXkGeiIAWiQRXUtsI6XsMFxRgfzvXemDJu6kxfpGY7z/s1600/tim-carey-QhK_agWFAsE-unsplash.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1067" data-original-width="1600" height="266" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjW3YJ_hLwy4UmZseqj1UUBvIE5oGVXUL2nVfCo3h0zwJF7_SQJdhC3GoxudH7w1mInzotYW3ls20FWt9v9amT9xs_hQE8wgbvOjoXkGeiIAWiQRXUtsI6XsMFxRgfzvXemDJu6kxfpGY7z/s400/tim-carey-QhK_agWFAsE-unsplash.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><br /> The London Marathon has been won by Sebastian Vettel in his Formula 1 racing car.<br /><br />Although technically it is cheating to use a 700 horse power motor vehicle in a running race, it turns out F1 drivers can do whatever they like.<br /><br /><br /><br /><div class="_3bJ2H CHExY"><div class="_1l8RX _1ByhS"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span>Photo by <a href="https://unsplash.com/@baudy?utm_source=unsplash&utm_medium=referral&utm_content=creditCopyText">Tim Carey</a> on <a href="https://unsplash.com/s/photos/racing-car?utm_source=unsplash&utm_medium=referral&utm_content=creditCopyText">Unsplash</a></span></span></div></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2572489302893768287.post-79894082704646855462012-04-17T12:31:00.000-07:002020-02-16T03:39:20.604-08:00Play nonsense bingo onlineCollect your bingo card here and watch for the numbers on <a href="https://twitter.com/#%21/IJNonsense">Twitter</a> and win prizes, prizes, prizes* <br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/--31JcgaO5VM/T43EwQxMg6I/AAAAAAAAAKA/JkHTZLBQOvI/s1600/nonsensebingo.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/--31JcgaO5VM/T43EwQxMg6I/AAAAAAAAAKA/JkHTZLBQOvI/s1600/nonsensebingo.jpg" /></a></div><br />*Note: the prize for winning this first bingo competition is knowledge of a job well done.Unknownnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2572489302893768287.post-79805854362480092372012-03-22T11:09:00.000-07:002020-02-16T03:39:24.244-08:00Sportsmen test positive<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiI5MVlcatseOj8yeQuWarhH65VbnOJVCjA9JaGJ7BCqsOmNDIvs-kcjRztpNapIIi_KeMBxRfKHbw9lk5x2ENcRM0vall9avYSdIazZKvWr0CTu4f2k7TGd84GfEfw-EHULCyZr97JyWlP/s1600/raj-shah-sum0Apdexks-unsplash.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1068" data-original-width="1600" height="266" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiI5MVlcatseOj8yeQuWarhH65VbnOJVCjA9JaGJ7BCqsOmNDIvs-kcjRztpNapIIi_KeMBxRfKHbw9lk5x2ENcRM0vall9avYSdIazZKvWr0CTu4f2k7TGd84GfEfw-EHULCyZr97JyWlP/s400/raj-shah-sum0Apdexks-unsplash.jpg" width="400" /></a></div> <br />Six Olympic balloon hurlers have tested positive for spinach and are set to be banned from the games.<br /><br />All six, believed to be part of the Matvian national team, claim their mothers hid the spinach under other food to trick them into eating it.<br /><br />Spinach was added to the list of banned substances after the 1976 Olympics when a US sailor won all the field and track events.<br /><br /><br /><div class="_3bJ2H CHExY"><div class="_1l8RX _1ByhS"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span>Photo by <a href="https://unsplash.com/@therajmahal?utm_source=unsplash&utm_medium=referral&utm_content=creditCopyText">Raj Shah</a> on <a href="https://unsplash.com/s/photos/athlete?utm_source=unsplash&utm_medium=referral&utm_content=creditCopyText">Unsplash</a></span></span></div></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2572489302893768287.post-54759543198467460112012-03-11T10:30:00.000-07:002020-02-16T03:39:32.650-08:00Preseason trials disappointing<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj9IMChW6y-V75KK4zbCnEHZb9adO_a1JmDWU7zc94AGSJlpA_WNXRCMy3DPh1SrfTqXhiYTRJ_DUQ0oZL1Sl-B0MhyN0Dxt9GDXvNoj84aR3S8JPV8jDVOdu6kB7ln5l77vjUuBYR3hQP3/s1600/scott-webb-Ar0QYv-qtw4-unsplash.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1066" data-original-width="1600" height="266" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj9IMChW6y-V75KK4zbCnEHZb9adO_a1JmDWU7zc94AGSJlpA_WNXRCMy3DPh1SrfTqXhiYTRJ_DUQ0oZL1Sl-B0MhyN0Dxt9GDXvNoj84aR3S8JPV8jDVOdu6kB7ln5l77vjUuBYR3hQP3/s400/scott-webb-Ar0QYv-qtw4-unsplash.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><br />Insiders at the Yakult Grapplewich banana racing team say preseason trials of their new straight six have been disappointing but they hope to continue development during the first few races of the season.<br /><br />The revolutionary concept of strapping six bananas together offers extraordinary straight line speed but is very poor in the corners.<br /><br /><br /><br /><div class="_3bJ2H CHExY"><div class="_1l8RX _1ByhS"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span>Photo by <a href="https://unsplash.com/@scottwebb?utm_source=unsplash&utm_medium=referral&utm_content=creditCopyText">Scott Webb</a> on <a href="https://unsplash.com/s/photos/bananas?utm_source=unsplash&utm_medium=referral&utm_content=creditCopyText">Unsplash</a></span></span></div></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2572489302893768287.post-17574404931101264352012-02-28T04:00:00.000-08:002020-02-17T10:18:31.572-08:00French pastry dominates downhill<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgvuw3uec9gHsdsHyJ7_1OwfU_OT3k7EirVVlRCD8pXBaVMiS8QOqwKd_pH7jcD4aeRlBUcWlcnIKzIJHmN1pKQ9_SRoT-1pqtl0x-n_P_LZwgL5VkkPbTK0PLWWpO3Kuvr-9L5ZfX8oL94/s1600/matt-pet-Pf6e3o0GL4M-unsplash.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1068" data-original-width="1600" height="266" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgvuw3uec9gHsdsHyJ7_1OwfU_OT3k7EirVVlRCD8pXBaVMiS8QOqwKd_pH7jcD4aeRlBUcWlcnIKzIJHmN1pKQ9_SRoT-1pqtl0x-n_P_LZwgL5VkkPbTK0PLWWpO3Kuvr-9L5ZfX8oL94/s400/matt-pet-Pf6e3o0GL4M-unsplash.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
<br />
The French are set to dominate the World Ski Championships after they discovered pastry is almost twice as fast downhill as conventional ski construction material.<br />
<i><br /></i>
<i>It has been a challenge baking pastry that is perfectly smooth and also ski-shaped, </i>said Francois Swunsgreat, head chef at SkiTeamFrance. <i>But now that we have, how you say, perfected it, we will be unbeatable. </i><br />
<br />
The Germans are working on a strudel-based ski system in a bid to catch up but with little success so far.<br />
<br />
<i>We are making our strudelskis too tasty,</i> said Franz Izestillgonnawin of the Bavarian SkiVerks. <i>Little squirrels come out of the trees and eat them before our skiers have reached the bottom of the hill. </i><br />
<br />
<br />
<div class="_3bJ2H CHExY">
<div class="_1l8RX _1ByhS">
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><span>Photo by <a href="https://unsplash.com/@mattpunsplash?utm_source=unsplash&utm_medium=referral&utm_content=creditCopyText">Matt Pet</a> on <a href="https://unsplash.com/s/photos/skiing?utm_source=unsplash&utm_medium=referral&utm_content=creditCopyText">Unsplash</a></span></span></div>
</div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2572489302893768287.post-32675533416330017902012-02-21T09:56:00.000-08:002020-02-17T10:37:49.722-08:00Footballer in speeding ban<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhbVFxVD8dzKSoP8bth1HlFd22H0vbBGJBr6b4ydMoufK5b3HZ6fUro2DbG44QVRv8nznvwPcGr0rEPg2BplBEvA1CyW_qtp7GSKCzt6Cbg8VCCsJKk4Q2RrZiT47uzpq-FWr5glKYQDrDZ/s1600/jordan-koons-r3ESQvwL5WU-unsplash.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="901" data-original-width="1600" height="225" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhbVFxVD8dzKSoP8bth1HlFd22H0vbBGJBr6b4ydMoufK5b3HZ6fUro2DbG44QVRv8nznvwPcGr0rEPg2BplBEvA1CyW_qtp7GSKCzt6Cbg8VCCsJKk4Q2RrZiT47uzpq-FWr5glKYQDrDZ/s400/jordan-koons-r3ESQvwL5WU-unsplash.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
<br />
Grime Athletic footballer Nicholas Bentspiggot was travelling at 318mph in a shopping trolley laden with gas cylinders when he went through a police speed camera van. <br />
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Bentspiggot pleaded guilty to a speeding charge at Catford Sidings Magistrates Court and was banned from using supermarket trolleys for five years. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Grime Athletic manager Glug Obierr commented: <i>I don't care what anyone says, it could have happened to anyone. I'll admit the lad made a mistake when he lit that cigarette but he's sick as a parrot about it. </i><br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<div class="_3bJ2H CHExY">
<div class="_1l8RX _1ByhS">
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><span>Photo by <a href="https://unsplash.com/@obi_wayne?utm_source=unsplash&utm_medium=referral&utm_content=creditCopyText">Jordan Koons</a> on <a href="https://unsplash.com/s/photos/shopping-trolley?utm_source=unsplash&utm_medium=referral&utm_content=creditCopyText">Unsplash</a></span></span></div>
</div>
</div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2572489302893768287.post-68255486810530476592012-02-20T09:45:00.000-08:002020-02-17T10:48:54.461-08:00First for Ferrori<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiOXYAmFh6abe6bCR66kHC1_9ywRy13t980awzIcIheS6sSmjGKeNdn2O8XLRCqjmRgHvP3caH0yNRrMty2gsOJjEBZd6BmWPDeebDiCd8QIUM9g9v5Hbnm3K4C61GAXfu895ezUmt-WPw4/s1600/goh-rhy-yan-f_SDCASisgs-unsplash.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1067" data-original-width="1600" height="266" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiOXYAmFh6abe6bCR66kHC1_9ywRy13t980awzIcIheS6sSmjGKeNdn2O8XLRCqjmRgHvP3caH0yNRrMty2gsOJjEBZd6BmWPDeebDiCd8QIUM9g9v5Hbnm3K4C61GAXfu895ezUmt-WPw4/s400/goh-rhy-yan-f_SDCASisgs-unsplash.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
<br />
Ferrori has announced that its new car, entirely powered by drain cloggage, achieved lap times better than 78 minutes on the Nurburgring in Germany. It averaged speeds in excess of 9.9mph. <br />
<br />
It has been calculated that it would achieve 0 to 60mph in a little over 15 minutes if it were capable of reaching 60mph.<br />
<br />
<i>This is an experimental vehicle, </i>said Franscesco Settinkz of Ferrori's Ecomamamia Unit.<i> What is incredible is that we have been able to power a vehicle from drain cloggage at all, given that it is mostly soap and human hair. </i><br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<div class="_3bJ2H CHExY">
<div class="_1l8RX _1ByhS">
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><span>Photo by <a href="https://unsplash.com/@gohrhyyan?utm_source=unsplash&utm_medium=referral&utm_content=creditCopyText">Goh Rhy Yan</a> on <a href="https://unsplash.com/s/photos/ferrari?utm_source=unsplash&utm_medium=referral&utm_content=creditCopyText">Unsplash</a></span></span></div>
</div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2572489302893768287.post-1299617166449112502012-02-12T01:30:00.000-08:002020-02-18T01:15:42.367-08:00Five things to do with your Sunday<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiQl0ElCZPc-IulgyjGC2B0SKbUxK88NSwjn9jBP9Etgg3eXNurKYpz1vekdJ30K5YVqn8Qy33KD6noLSQohIewFFOHlkgKsvph8BBDcLyqLILAswkkqIH9djD3_qfC0zBofFSLgVfF8NHU/s1600/matty-adame-nLUb9GThIcg-unsplash.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1067" data-original-width="1600" height="266" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiQl0ElCZPc-IulgyjGC2B0SKbUxK88NSwjn9jBP9Etgg3eXNurKYpz1vekdJ30K5YVqn8Qy33KD6noLSQohIewFFOHlkgKsvph8BBDcLyqLILAswkkqIH9djD3_qfC0zBofFSLgVfF8NHU/s400/matty-adame-nLUb9GThIcg-unsplash.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
<br />
If you are bored with inclement weather and sitting around without much to do, IJN's entertainment reporter Frumpie Strunglestraat has some ideas for you. <br />
<ol>
<li>Sit completely still staring at a pencil. </li>
<li>Try sticking your fingers between your toes. </li>
<li>See how wide you can make your yawns. </li>
<li>Carry a packet of biscuits from one room to another listlessly. </li>
<li>Try surfing down the stairs on your ironing board. </li>
</ol>
<br />
<br />
<br />
<div class="_3bJ2H CHExY">
<div class="_1l8RX _1ByhS">
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><span>Photo by <a href="https://unsplash.com/@omgitsmattyvee?utm_source=unsplash&utm_medium=referral&utm_content=creditCopyText">Matty Adame</a> on <a href="https://unsplash.com/s/photos/entertainment?utm_source=unsplash&utm_medium=referral&utm_content=creditCopyText">Unsplash</a></span></span></div>
</div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2572489302893768287.post-59724750466063181582012-02-08T13:30:00.000-08:002020-02-18T01:49:15.486-08:00Manager resigns<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhoigyF0v3gT2TmkICQ-i8lWIzua6KM5Mmj1nGu9227LeoCj6XwLTOCeKhTcFwxJWiI_gCj9HHjwgyTsIlcDf6p3MCb516lOKnwRQ_jOwETZDVkLi5PllZ83wCBsLW_NlyzxIQbxP9GD5Md/s1600/cowomen-YXA50iTsHDE-unsplash.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1067" data-original-width="1600" height="266" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhoigyF0v3gT2TmkICQ-i8lWIzua6KM5Mmj1nGu9227LeoCj6XwLTOCeKhTcFwxJWiI_gCj9HHjwgyTsIlcDf6p3MCb516lOKnwRQ_jOwETZDVkLi5PllZ83wCBsLW_NlyzxIQbxP9GD5Md/s400/cowomen-YXA50iTsHDE-unsplash.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
<br />
Dave Withers has resigned as manager of Catford Sidings International balloon hurling team. <br />
<br />
Speaking at a press conference Mr Withers said he suddenly realised he was wasting his life on a sport no-one cared about. <br />
<i><br /></i>
<i>It's been very hard,</i> he said, <i>what with the press attention and everything. But I just woke up this morning and said 'what are you doing? Surely there is more to life than this?' </i><br />
<br />
Mr Withers is now seeking employment as a transportation hygienist.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<div class="_3bJ2H CHExY">
<div class="_1l8RX _1ByhS">
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><span>Photo by <a href="https://unsplash.com/@cowomen?utm_source=unsplash&utm_medium=referral&utm_content=creditCopyText">CoWomen</a> on <a href="https://unsplash.com/s/photos/press-conference?utm_source=unsplash&utm_medium=referral&utm_content=creditCopyText">Unsplash</a></span></span></div>
</div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2572489302893768287.post-52444452752795479822012-01-13T13:04:00.000-08:002020-02-18T13:20:01.101-08:00Judges split over five best things awardThe announcement of the five best things has had to be delayed because the judges cannot agree on the winners. <br /><br />Nightwear magnate Hugo Iurwaii remains adamant that jam, pyjamas, cheese, bees, and peas should be the five best things while Lord Wellington is entrenched in his view that dark horses, wellies, tall pies, quiche fights and grit should win.Unknownnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2572489302893768287.post-44351822063822763892012-01-07T08:43:00.000-08:002020-02-18T13:20:00.792-08:00Saturday quizQ1: How large is a beetroot?<br /><br />Q2: What is Staines for?<br /><br />Q3: My dog has no nose. How does it smell? <br /><br />Q4: What is the capital of Welshpool? <br /><br />Q5: How will you know when this quiz is over? <br /><a href="http://www.blogger.com/goog_698784442"><br /></a><br /><a href="http://www.nonsens.es/p/saturday-quiz-answers.html">Click here for the answers. </a>Unknownnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2572489302893768287.post-57464912266220555812012-01-05T14:45:00.000-08:002020-02-18T13:20:01.255-08:00Latest scoreSprongle 7 : Grooze 43Unknownnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2572489302893768287.post-70368849882061202082012-01-04T13:36:00.000-08:002020-02-18T13:20:01.639-08:00Olympic beach luge tickets oversoldTickets for the 2012 Olympics beach luge event have been massively oversold due to an error, it emerged today. <br /><br />The Olympic Cafe, Catford Sidings, which is to host the event, can comfortably seat 27. But today the Man Mountain Events ticket agency admitted it had sold more than 158,000 tickets for the event. <br /><br /><i>We are asking anyone we can think of if they have folding chairs,</i> said cafe owner Troy Janhorse, <i>but even if we ask people to squeeze up, I don't think we can take more than fifty. </i><br /><br />Some have expressed surprise that so many people are interested in this minority sport. But others point out that any sport involving bikini-clad girls and tea trays is bound to garner some attention.<br /><br /><a href="http://www.nonsens.es/2011/12/olympic-mix-up.html">See also: Olympic mix-up </a>Unknownnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2572489302893768287.post-79134475800460778122011-12-13T21:30:00.000-08:002020-02-18T13:20:02.064-08:00Meerkats won NationalThe 1993 Grand National has been declared void after it was discovered the winner was not a horse but rather 51 meerkats in a pantomime horse suit. <br /><br />The deceit only came to light this week when a meerkat was apprehended in a drunken state in the Smoothilicious Lounge Bar in Catford Sidings attempting to conceal a large cup.<br /><br /><i>It is not yet clear to us how 51 meerkats managed to coordinate sufficiently to outrun galloping race horses,</i> said Superintendent Spinch McGrooter of the Sports Fiddles Squad. <i>In some ways what they achieved was quite impressive. Perhaps they should get to keep the cup.</i>Unknownnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2572489302893768287.post-27310276277790161562011-12-13T14:32:00.000-08:002020-02-18T13:20:00.254-08:00Latest scoreSprongle 6 : Grooze 43Unknownnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2572489302893768287.post-70458993987701147602011-12-10T08:00:00.000-08:002020-02-18T13:20:01.678-08:00Latest scoreSprongle 5 : Grooze 42Unknownnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2572489302893768287.post-44602699802888853552011-12-09T14:00:00.000-08:002020-02-18T13:20:00.831-08:00Latest scoreSprongle 5 : Grooze 41<br /><br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com