75 life-changing ways to change your life

Seventy five live-changing opportunities have been assembled just for you by the team at the International Journal of Nonsense: 

  1. Scientists working frantically at the Institute of Things in Groosumville, Arizona have discovered a link between jam and toast. It's butter.
  2. The Bank of Nonsense has accidentally put all its money in the washing machine and says many of the notes are ruined. An inquiry is expected.
  3. Scientists looking into why sometimes things go wrong say that often someone is to blame. Usually it is a different person each time.
  4. Maps for a number of sat navs erroneously have routes to Apollo Street, Pewford Ponds going round the moon twice. This makes some journey times incorrect. 
  5. Mercedes Benz have genetically modified a giant bee so that it will carry five people in comfort. It is to be the new B-class.
  6. Up to 20% of fish are cheating on their partners according to new research by divorce-a-fish.com. 14% of these are haddock.
  7. An earlier report advertising an evening with The Jim Douche Bagpipe Band should, of course, have referred to The Jim Douchebag Pipe Band. 
  8. The Church of the Discarded Sporran is trying to block a Hollywood movie based on the life of its founder, Tufty the Safety Squirrel.
  9. The internet is to get new addressing based on the Dewey decimal system. Websites will now be stored on wooden shelves.
  10. The National Trust has imported Polar bears into Somerset and painted them with a black stripe in a move designed to annoy badgers. 
The other 65 are on page 74...

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