Seven habits of highly effective nonsense

  • A building site in Wales has banned builders. 'They kept falling off the scaffolding and hurting themselves,' said manager Farley Barnett.
  • The Ministry of Defence says that Dave's World of Reggae Badgers is interfering with its radar systems. It's thought the badgers are jamming.
  • After over eighty years of fending off annoying customer phone calls, the Royal Mint is acquiescing and from Tuesday will sell mints.
  • Members of the Catford Sidings Fat Club are to ask the government to legalise trifle, unaware that trifle has been legal since 1471.
  • People who have booked a holiday to Spanner have been told it is a mechanic's tool and not an exotic country.
  • After its five-year deep-ocean mission, the Institute of Things has revealed the bottom of the Atlantic is mostly made of sand.
  • Britain's total borrowing includes 14 billion lawnmowers, 5 billion hedge trimmers, 9 million ladders and two cheese graters.
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