Pizza delivery system goes with a bang

Trials of a new jet-pack pizza delivery system have left Ipswich covered in tiny bits of tomato, mozzarella and a variety of other toppings.

It's outrageous, said Mrs Jean Therapy of Ningwitch Gardens, Ipswich. I spent all of Thursday evening scraping pineapple chunks off my pebble-dashed frontage.

But Ace Pizza who have been trialling the new system are unrepentant.

We have had a few teething problems that resulted in mid-air pizza explosions, admitted a spokesperson, but we will get it right. The benefits are astonishing. Pizza can be baked while it is being delivered at five times the speed of sound. For most people this means their pizza will arrive in less time than it takes to hang up after ordering and walk to their front door.

But the authorities are threatening to ban further trials.

We are very proud that Ipswich is at the forefront of high-velocity pizza delivery, said the town's mayor Mr Grap L Engiron. But these explosions have to stop. That's the long and short of it.

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Aesthetic jam threat

The European Union wants to redesignate certain British jam as paint after it was found to contain mostly colouring and paint. The Aesthetic Jam Co says the only way to get jam to tone perfectly with people's kitchen colour schemes is to add quantities of paint. People who demand beige jam to match their kitchen have to expect a little variation in the recipe, said Jim Spread of the Aesthetic Jam Co. The Aesthetic Jam Co admits jam made mostly from paint is likely to taste a little painty. Photo by KAL VISUALS on Unsplash

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