- A year's supply of lard
- Pubic hair knitted into sexy lingerie
- Four tonnes of sharp sand in the living room
- A contraption that automatically raises the toilet seat so it will be ready for the next user
- Cement ear muffs
- Highly flammable cardis
- A hat with built-in Scalectrix
- A mirror that laughs when they go into the bathroom
- A day out at Catford Mudflats
- Aftershave
Apologies for the late running of this article. We hope it does not leave too many gentlemen rethinking their last-minute Christmas shopping.