Shareholders object to executive pay

Shareholders in Man Mountain Enterprises, publishers of the IJN*, have objected to the pay of the company's chief executive Mr Grool Inhillclimb.

They say it is not enough.

Mr Inhillclimb does such a wonderful job, said Mrs Tharg of Upcoming Programme in Kent who holds a 4p share in Man Mountain. We'd have to pay much more to ship in one of these executives from Eastern Europe.

Tom Wideface of Plankton Podbury who holds five (6) 4p shares in Man Mountain agrees. I don't really understand executive pay, but I think there should be more of it, if anything. You can never have too much of a good thing, can you?

Mrs Jen Till Inhillclimb of Man Mountain Towers, Catford Sidings, who holds 58,341 4p shares says People don't understand how hardworking these top executives are. They deserve to have their pay at least doubled and that's what I'll be telling the AGM.

*The Editor would like to take this opportunity to remind readers that the International Journal of Nonsense does not enjoy complete editorial freedom.

Photo by Christina @ wocintechchat.com on Unsplash

Resorts send snow to skiers

Ski resorts have begun delivering snow by helicopter direct to skiers' homes in a move designed to protect the mountains from the environmental impacts of winter sports enthusiasts. Although it is a massive undertaking, say Sled Piler of the Alpine Resorts Institute, it works our more environmentally friendly to take the snow to each skier rather than flying all the skiers and their equipment to the mountains. Former British downhill champion Barg Matipsonfire commented: It's great to have your own individual snow but my garden is completely flat and it appears to be too warm to keep the skiing surface in tip top condition. Photo by Maarten Duineveld on Unsplash

Duck for president bid fails

A last minute third-candidate bid for US President from Daffy Duck failed when it emerged he was born in Kenya. Ridicule is the burden of genius, Mr Duck commented. Can you imagine anything so ridiculous as majority rule? Meanwhile, Americans are left with a choice between the lesser of two evils. Polls have the voters balanced neck-and-neck between a president who is useless and a a president who is bonkers. American democracy is a beautiful thing, said one passer-by we latched on to in Washington DC. It just shows that anyone can become president who can raise a billion dollars in campaign funds. A spokesperson for the American Institute of Total Warfare which represents the arms industry said We haven't really made up our minds yet. We've been impressed by how much money President Obama has spent in warfare but we're wondering what we can achieve if we put a real looney in charge. Photo by Kris Mikael Krister on Unsplash

Aesthetic jam threat

The European Union wants to redesignate certain British jam as paint after it was found to contain mostly colouring and paint. The Aesthetic Jam Co says the only way to get jam to tone perfectly with people's kitchen colour schemes is to add quantities of paint. People who demand beige jam to match their kitchen have to expect a little variation in the recipe, said Jim Spread of the Aesthetic Jam Co. The Aesthetic Jam Co admits jam made mostly from paint is likely to taste a little painty. Photo by KAL VISUALS on Unsplash

New International Journal of Nonsense