Skip to main content

Weekend engineering works

Dark matter is delaying services between Struggletoe Central and Spanishkilts.  An engineer has been sent for a lightbulb. 

The points between Nincompoop and Dolt no longer join up. Passengers wishing to travel to Cementhead are advised to bring their own.

Engineering work at Gadawful Easterly has finished early because maintenance staff ran out of rails. No service for a week.

A small war has broken out at Francoprussian Junction. Passengers are advised to travel by naval superpower. 

International Journal of Nonsense's Eye In The Sky reports heavy congestion around Mrs Paddlingwich of Thrutting Norbury. Avoid. 

Cycles are not banned from the replacement skateboard service running today between Tottery Plywood and Stingbroom Junction. 

Mrs Gruntfanding reports that her journey to Pollocknasty took only 4 mins longer than normal despite travelling only on the left rail.  

A train has split its sides between Giggle Muchly and Pwah Halt. Long delays expected. 

Engineering works reported between Tharg Pleasantry and Bringpies Junction. Replacement bungee jump service in operation. 

Popular posts from this blog

100% can't understand this quiz - can you?

Can you tackle our fiendish quiz and come out a winner? So far, 100% of people have failed. Are you smarter than everyone?
In algorithm news: fake news is now 17% more believable than real news thanks to "gullibility analysis", the Institute of Things has revealed.Protesters screaming 'there is no such thing as objective truth' have been rounded up and hurled into a grease recycling facility. A comedian who took his old bottles to a joke bank has been told he is "too meta”.A bug in the NonsensoWatch(TM) has allowed time to become jammed, its makers admit, so that some days seem to go on forever.An inflation error means Boris Johnson is now up to 4281 PSI. Experts fear for his life if he sits on a drawing pin.The latest UK borrowing figures show we're up to 4,289,512 lawnmowers and counting. The Prime Minister says we all have to give them back.

Photo by JESHOOTS.COM on Unsplash

News roundup may be fake ministers claim

A roundup of today's fake news may itself be fake, the government has claimed. Judge for yourself:

Kilmarnock in Scotland is to be renamed Markilnock, it has been announced. It was time for a change, said Mayor Jock Weaslepants.

Stationery traffic in Catford Sidings is up to 12 long reams after a mad origamist escaped from the paper mill.

Hackers who hacked into the files of a hacksaw factory and found nothing of value say they’re ‘hacked off’

Violence broke out in the midlands town of Broogminger earlier after the local bus company rebranded itself ‘EasySock'

Levels of man-made stupidity will rise almost 63m by 2040, according to the Institute of Things, leaving many people living on flagpoles they’ve carefully balanced on two other flagpoles.

Religious punctuationists are calling for semicolons to be set alight and floated down a river of tildes to celebrate the year of ellipses.

An anti-stupidity vaccine, developed at the University of Quack Theories, has accidently been tipped i…

Fish incident leads to suspension

Nonsense News's Barfity Fargstring has been suspended after allegations she hit Eunice Pewness with a halibut.

The alleged incident allegedly occured just after then end of the alleged lunchtime news. Ms Fargstring had been spotted entering the Nonsense Newscasting building with a fish-shaped bag but denies that it actually contained a fish.

Ms Pewness was briefly stunned into silence following the event but was broadcasting again in time for the early evening news despite a few fish scales being apparent on the side of her head.