Ten ways to improve your life than you may have missed (a round up from the Nonsense Twitterstream):
- 15% of laybies are owned by the Church of the Discarded Sporran. It is thought to be an error relating to Church plans to buy up ley lines.
- The Space Research Institute says strange lights in the sky over Catford Sidings are fireflies which have gained access to a trampoline.
- In a radical solution to the third runway controversy, Harumph airport is to be closed entirely to make way for a railway station.
- Researchers at the Tobbit Spanworth Institute say there may never be a cure for cyclism but its effects can be mitigated by stealing saddles.
- People who wear cats as hats have been asked to stay away from the Ponsea Regatta after last year's fur ball fiasco.
- For structural reasons, the 951 foot Catford Sidings 'tower of custard' will have to be built from shoe boxes the planning office says.
- The citizens of Dagenham Ditches have voted 55% to 42% in favour of suet over ladders. The German government has refused to comment.
- The chemical similarity between jam and plastic may have contributed to the great traffic cone factory fire of 1974, new research shows.
- Consultancy firm BB Gunn Misfire Eyebrow Loss has banned use of the phrase "primordial soup" for fear of offending soup lovers.