Skip to main content

Miffuanians breach Sidings' fish quota

 Miffuanian trawlers have steamed up Catford Sidings High Street and stolen all the battered cod from the Star Chip shop, in a moved described by Sidings' authorities as provocative

The Royal Navy says it is unable to patrol Catford Sidings High Street against foreign trawlers because its destroyers are too wide and there is insufficient water for them to float. 

But Grevin Mudworthy, mayor of Catford Sidings, has asked the Navy to send a submarine up the sewage system. These Miffuanian fishing boats are breaching EU quotas by turning up at chip shops and taking all their fish, he said. It has to be stopped.  

They were very sneaky, said Hugh Jappetite of the Star chip shop. Two fishermen entered from either end of the counter with a large net which they threw over our warmer. As they departed, the net was winched at high speed and all our battered fish disappeared out the door.  

A spokesman for the Navy said Catford Sidings' antiquated sewage system was never designed for modern submarine warfare but declined to deny that submarines would be deployed.

Photo by NOAA on Unsplash

Popular posts from this blog

Aesthetic jam threat

The European Union wants to redesignate certain British jam as paint after it was found to contain mostly colouring and paint. The Aesthetic Jam Co says the only way to get jam to tone perfectly with people's kitchen colour schemes is to add quantities of paint.  People who demand beige jam to match their kitchen have to expect a little variation in the recipe, said Jim Spread of the Aesthetic Jam Co. The Aesthetic Jam Co admits jam made mostly from paint is likely to taste a little painty. Photo by KAL VISUALS on Unsplash

Duck for president bid fails

A last minute third-candidate bid for US President from Daffy Duck failed when it emerged he was born in Kenya. Ridicule is the burden of genius, Mr Duck commented. Can you imagine anything so ridiculous as majority rule? Meanwhile, Americans are left with a choice between the lesser of two evils. Polls have the voters balanced neck-and-neck between a president who is useless and a a president who is bonkers. American democracy is a beautiful thing, said one passer-by we latched on to in Washington DC. It just shows that anyone can become president who can raise a billion dollars in campaign funds. A spokesperson for the American Institute of Total Warfare which represents the arms industry said We haven't really made up our minds yet. We've been impressed by how much money President Obama has spent in warfare but we're wondering what we can achieve if we put a real looney in charge.   Photo by Kris Mikael Krister on Unsplash

Resorts send snow to skiers

Ski resorts have begun delivering snow by helicopter direct to skiers' homes in a move designed to protect the mountains from the environmental impacts of winter sports enthusiasts. Although it is a massive undertaking, say Sled Piler of the Alpine Resorts Institute, it works our more environmentally friendly to take the snow to each skier rather than flying all the skiers and their equipment to the mountains.  Former British downhill champion Barg Matipsonfire commented: It's great to have your own individual snow but my garden is completely flat and it appears to be too warm to keep the skiing surface in tip top condition. Photo by Maarten Duineveld on Unsplash