Our computerised leisure-time guide system has churned out eight things to inspire you to spend your weekend in a more imaginative way. They are:
- Of all the trombones ever made, 18% were created accidentally by flute manufacturers who sneezed violently at a critical moment.
- Hubert Gerumphilly has been disqualified from the world Scrabble championships after 48 Zs were found in his ears.
- An Institute of Things study into procrastination has been delayed. No reason was given.
- High street retailer Mrex & Spinster says a sharp fall in profits may be linked to its failed anything-for-a-pound furniture department idea.
- Genetic research into fish fingers may one day help scientists to eliminate red herrings, top experts claimed today.
- The government has initiated emergency plans to prevent the spread of Leslie Ash. Experts fear it may be too late.
- Catford Sidings' Council is meeting tonight to decide whether to allow Trugg Street to be repaved with cucumbers for Christmas.
- Protestors claim the Pewford Ponds Pedestrian Catapult will harm wildlife in the area, particularly if the aim is not correctly adjusted.