Tumble drier strike enters 7th week

Unions say the two-day tumble drier strike earlier this week had a significant effect on the fluffiness of towels in the Pewford Ponds area. They claim up to 50% of towels were more than 5% less fluffy.

Our strikes are bringing home to the public how vital our service is, said Targ Mahal, leader of DRY, the tumble drier union.

Meanwhile, management is claiming that only 1 in 6 towels remains damp as a result of this week's strike and that sock loss has fallen significantly.

We're baffled as to what this continuing dispute is about, said Barf Mahandtowel of the tumble drier users' group Drierio. Both sides should work to resolve the dispute quickly so people can go back to normal levels of fluffiness.

From SocialNonsense:

Mrs Tharg of Lint Jammin says she is unaffected by the tumble drier strike as she hangs her smalls in the garden where they also scare crows.

Bean Tomz tells us he was stuck in his utiiity room for 45 minutes this evening waiting for a towel to become dry enough for use.

Eunice Pewness of Woolis Rudeness writes to say she has discovered naked bodies dry faster than damp towels. Take that tumble drier unions!

Photo by The Creative Exchange on Unsplash

Resorts send snow to skiers

Ski resorts have begun delivering snow by helicopter direct to skiers' homes in a move designed to protect the mountains from the environmental impacts of winter sports enthusiasts. Although it is a massive undertaking, say Sled Piler of the Alpine Resorts Institute, it works our more environmentally friendly to take the snow to each skier rather than flying all the skiers and their equipment to the mountains. Former British downhill champion Barg Matipsonfire commented: It's great to have your own individual snow but my garden is completely flat and it appears to be too warm to keep the skiing surface in tip top condition. Photo by Maarten Duineveld on Unsplash

Duck for president bid fails

A last minute third-candidate bid for US President from Daffy Duck failed when it emerged he was born in Kenya. Ridicule is the burden of genius, Mr Duck commented. Can you imagine anything so ridiculous as majority rule? Meanwhile, Americans are left with a choice between the lesser of two evils. Polls have the voters balanced neck-and-neck between a president who is useless and a a president who is bonkers. American democracy is a beautiful thing, said one passer-by we latched on to in Washington DC. It just shows that anyone can become president who can raise a billion dollars in campaign funds. A spokesperson for the American Institute of Total Warfare which represents the arms industry said We haven't really made up our minds yet. We've been impressed by how much money President Obama has spent in warfare but we're wondering what we can achieve if we put a real looney in charge. Photo by Kris Mikael Krister on Unsplash

Aesthetic jam threat

The European Union wants to redesignate certain British jam as paint after it was found to contain mostly colouring and paint. The Aesthetic Jam Co says the only way to get jam to tone perfectly with people's kitchen colour schemes is to add quantities of paint. People who demand beige jam to match their kitchen have to expect a little variation in the recipe, said Jim Spread of the Aesthetic Jam Co. The Aesthetic Jam Co admits jam made mostly from paint is likely to taste a little painty. Photo by KAL VISUALS on Unsplash

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