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5 ways to cope


In difficult times, it is important to have tricks and tips to cope. Here are our top 5.
  1. All the jelly in the world is unsufficient to cover over the enormous amount of sponge cake mankind has created, activists claim.
  2. Beards have been banned from running British museums over fears they look too much like they belong on Russian tsars. Moustaches are unaffected by the ruling.
  3. A judicial review into children is to begin tomorrow. 'Some of them are taking decisions,' said an anti-child activist, 'and that just cannot be right.'
  4. Smart motorways are to be renamed 'crash waiting to happen' under a new Department of Transport truth in signage initiative.
  5. Kilmarnock in Scotland is to be renamed Markilnock, it has been announced. It was time for a change, said Mayor Jock Weaslepants. 
  6. Stationery traffic in Catford Sidings is up to 12 long reams after a mad origamist escaped from the paper mill.



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