Seven more things we can learn from unicorns

Following his report on unicorns last week, Prof Barf McPenury offers seven more habits of highly ineffectual mythical beasts:
  1. A loophole in computer design allows complete strangers to type euphemisms into your PC. The so-call "keyboard" cannot be deleted.
  2. Harrison Ford is to be replaced with Harrison Bridge after 7 cars and an ice-cream van were washed away by flood water.
  3. Walruses are demanding parity with seals even though their tusks burst a test balloon they sent up.
  4. The PM says there is no alternative to the economy. Replacing the economy with a circus is not practical, he believes. However, Vince Cable believes replacing the economy with acrobats and clowns may cure many of the country's problems and be fun.
  5. The Catford Sidings to Pewford Ponds high speed rail link is in doubt tonight after it was pointed out the rails should stay still and the trains should move.
  6. Cynics Anonymous has admitted that most of its members think it is up to no good.
  7. The World Council of Unicorns has officially confirmed that humans do not exist. Humans are a figment of unicorn imaginations, they say. 
See also: Seven habits of ineffectual unicorns
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