Following his report on unicorns last week, Prof Barf McPenury offers seven more habits of highly ineffectual mythical beasts:
- A loophole in computer design allows complete strangers to type euphemisms into your PC. The so-call "keyboard" cannot be deleted.
- Harrison Ford is to be replaced with Harrison Bridge after 7 cars and an ice-cream van were washed away by flood water.
- Walruses are demanding parity with seals even though their tusks burst a test balloon they sent up.
- The PM says there is no alternative to the economy. Replacing the economy with a circus is not practical, he believes. However, Vince Cable believes replacing the economy with acrobats and clowns may cure many of the country's problems and be fun.
- The Catford Sidings to Pewford Ponds high speed rail link is in doubt tonight after it was pointed out the rails should stay still and the trains should move.
- Cynics Anonymous has admitted that most of its members think it is up to no good.
- The World Council of Unicorns has officially confirmed that humans do not exist. Humans are a figment of unicorn imaginations, they say.