Seven habits of ineffectual unicorns

We can all learn important lessons by studying the behaviour of the mythical beast, the Unicorn, Prof Barf McPenury tells us. Here are his top seven lessons from ineffectual unicorns:
  1. Pewford Ponds Council says owing to a misunderstanding about the weather forecast, its lorries have been spreading Madeira cake on the roads. 
  2. Athlete Prance Langstrum has admitted to using a bicycle during his events. "It's surprising no-one noticed," he said, "I was a high jumper."
  3. A government plan to give hedgehogs hot water bottles in the cold snap has been criticised by the Institute of Obvious Mistakes. 
  4. A levels are to be replaced by Facebook photo albums. "These give employers a much better indication of future performance," an expert said. 
  5. Up to 48% of Mars is made from cement according to a new poll of cement industry sales people. The other 52% is made of inferior cement substitute.
  6. The world wasn't ready for fondue home delivery by catapult according to failed businessman Kurt Spanglewurgler.
  7. Experts say that 4G mobile technology will use up all the Gs within 3 years. This will be a particular problem for horse-racing enthusiasts. 
See also: Seven more things we can learn from unicorns
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