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IJN used deceit editor reveals

The written evidence of Horse McTumbles, editor of IJN, to the judicial inquiry into press intrusion has been leaked by several plumbers.

In his evidence, due to be given to the inquiry next week, Mr McTumbles admits to using deceitful and underhand methods in obtaining celebrity stories.

We sometimes copy our stories out from the newspapers, said Mr McTumbles, and when those are no good, we make things up. Readers may be surprised to learn, for example, that when we said Hugh Grant was an actor, we were blatantly lying.

The story about Sienna Miller and the frogspawn was also untrue, he went on, although it achieved the best audience figures we have ever seen.

We would like to apologise unreservedly to Mr Grant, Ms Miller and the 4268 other celebrities affected by our subterfuges. We hope and pray that their lives have not been ruined too badly.

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