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Cat found driving train

A cat has been discovered driving an express train between London and Plymouth.

There are a number of things puzzling us, said Inspector Tarrant Tular of the British Transport Police. These include: how a cat acquired the necessary skills to drive a train; how it gained access to the 7:58 Plymouth express; what happened to the original driver.

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Aesthetic jam threat

The European Union wants to redesignate certain British jam as paint after it was found to contain mostly colouring and paint.

The Aesthetic Jam Co says the only way to get jam to tone perfectly with people's kitchen colour schemes is to add quantities of paint. 

People who demand beige jam to match their kitchen have to expect a little variation in the recipe, said Jim Spread of the Aesthetic Jam Co.

The Aesthetic Jam Co admits jam made mostly from paint is likely to taste a little painty.


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