Meerkats have kidnapped presenter and artist Barf Margmaharn and are demanding the release of 72 wallabies from Bristol Zoo.
Mr Margmaharn is believed to be in good health and being treated well by the meerkats, who are generally mild-mannered animals.
There is no question of us releasing the wallabies, said Dram Punker, head keeper at Bristol Zoo. We never negotiate with meerkats. Mr Margmaharn will just have to take his chances.
Inspector Isaac Oldsaye of the National Abduction and Kidnap Unit said: We have no idea what the Meerkats really want. Bristol Zoo does't have 72 wallabies. Let's hope they never find that out or Barf Margmaharn is really in trouble.