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Flamingo doubts


Meteorolgists say that carrying a flamingo will not protect you from nonsense. In fact, it may make things worse.

It is a widely held myth that carrying a large pink bird can help nonsense sufferers, said Dimitri Ologist of the Institute of Weather and Things. In practice, research shows that far from helping, it may open you to scorn and ridicule which can only make the effects of nonsense worse.  

Parts of the UK have been experiencing high levels of nonsense because of unusual solar activity. However, strange lights in the sky over Catford Sidings turned out to be traffic lights fitted, in error, to poles more than ten times the usual length and not, as first reported, the physical manifestation of the high nonsense levels.

The Met Office is to include nonsense warnings on its weather charts from 1 April. Areas of high nonsense will be represented by pink flamingos.



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News roundup may be fake ministers claim

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Kilmarnock in Scotland is to be renamed Markilnock, it has been announced. It was time for a change, said Mayor Jock Weaslepants.

Stationery traffic in Catford Sidings is up to 12 long reams after a mad origamist escaped from the paper mill.

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Fish incident leads to suspension

Nonsense News's Barfity Fargstring has been suspended after allegations she hit Eunice Pewness with a halibut.

The alleged incident allegedly occured just after then end of the alleged lunchtime news. Ms Fargstring had been spotted entering the Nonsense Newscasting building with a fish-shaped bag but denies that it actually contained a fish.

Ms Pewness was briefly stunned into silence following the event but was broadcasting again in time for the early evening news despite a few fish scales being apparent on the side of her head.