Fake cheese triggers controls

Catford Sidings is to introduce border controls between the town and the rest of the UK in a bid to stop trafficking in fake cheese.

It's getting out of hand, said Superintendent Puce McGrounding of the Fake Cheese Squad. We estimate more than £5m-worth of fake cheese is coming into Catford Sidings every year. It has to be stopped.

The border controls will be put in place at the north end of Fudge Street, half way along Wideacres and at four places on ring road. It is not expected to delay traffic by more than six hours.

Photo by CDC on Unsplash

Resorts send snow to skiers

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Aesthetic jam threat

The European Union wants to redesignate certain British jam as paint after it was found to contain mostly colouring and paint. The Aesthetic Jam Co says the only way to get jam to tone perfectly with people's kitchen colour schemes is to add quantities of paint. People who demand beige jam to match their kitchen have to expect a little variation in the recipe, said Jim Spread of the Aesthetic Jam Co. The Aesthetic Jam Co admits jam made mostly from paint is likely to taste a little painty. Photo by KAL VISUALS on Unsplash

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