Skip to main content


Top 7 ways to reintroduce extinct species




Our top 7 ways to reintroduce extinct species is an environmental infographic sponsored by our partners Sidings Sludge for all your decimated wetland needs.  

  1. A small bear has become unaccountably stuck in a tree used for storage by Sidings Honey Ltd. The fire brigade have been called.  
  2. Almost 42% of tigers use *grrroar* as the password on their voicemails, 15% use *bouncy* and 5% use "frosties".
  3. Matvian impresario Vladamir Tukmahedov is to produce a seven-hour musical based on the British weather for the the Farapma Opera House. One critic commented: I expect it will be drizzle. 
  4. Researchers have discovered a Mayan tablet which says everything will end on 21 Dec 2012 is actually a South Erst Trains press release. 
  5. A new fish and chip shop only for those who went to school at Eton will be called Know your plaice. A new fish and chip shop for those who received a comprehensive education will be called Cod do batter.
  6. A top supermarket has apologised over its green energy hamster-wheel project when it emerged some of the hamsters were using mopeds.
  7. This year's International Cheese Jamboree (the 15th) will see a ton of brie fired 4 miles into the air. Planning permission has been sought. 

Photo by Gary Bendig on Unsplash

Popular posts from this blog

100% can't understand this quiz - can you?

Can you tackle our fiendish quiz and come out a winner? So far, 100% of people have failed. Are you smarter than everyone?
In algorithm news: fake news is now 17% more believable than real news thanks to "gullibility analysis", the Institute of Things has revealed.Protesters screaming 'there is no such thing as objective truth' have been rounded up and hurled into a grease recycling facility. A comedian who took his old bottles to a joke bank has been told he is "too meta”.A bug in the NonsensoWatch(TM) has allowed time to become jammed, its makers admit, so that some days seem to go on forever.An inflation error means Boris Johnson is now up to 4281 PSI. Experts fear for his life if he sits on a drawing pin.The latest UK borrowing figures show we're up to 4,289,512 lawnmowers and counting. The Prime Minister says we all have to give them back.



Photo by JESHOOTS.COM on Unsplash

Aesthetic jam threat

The European Union wants to redesignate certain British jam as paint after it was found to contain mostly colouring and paint.

The Aesthetic Jam Co says the only way to get jam to tone perfectly with people's kitchen colour schemes is to add quantities of paint. 

People who demand beige jam to match their kitchen have to expect a little variation in the recipe, said Jim Spread of the Aesthetic Jam Co.

The Aesthetic Jam Co admits jam made mostly from paint is likely to taste a little painty.


Photo by KAL VISUALS on Unsplash

Seven ways to improve you lips

In an age where lips are gaining increasing importance, beauty editor Eunice Indatcoat reports on seven ways you can improve yours*.

Replace them with wedges of Edam.  Exercise by regular gurning. Apply a daily dose of creosote for freshness. Rub them down with goose fat twice yearly.  Eat only rubberised canoes.  Smack yourself in the face with a frying pan once a week.  Stick mange toutes in your ears. 
*Note: applying all seven of these tips may, in some instances, lead to baldness or infertility.



Photo by ian dooley on Unsplash