Ten important news stories you may have missed. Our round-up of all the information that is vital to know:
- World leaders meeting in Doha have agreed that, in future, there will be a climate. Whether that climate will be habitable is yet to be agree.
- Detectives in Denmark have discovered their crime clear-up rate is entirely unrelated to patterns on their jumpers.
- A man in Bumbling Fatstumble has bought 14 plate glass windows. He misunderstood the term 'window shopping'.
- By 494 to 6, the International Athletics Board has rejected proposals to rename marathons as Snickers.
- The US is to ban children and teachers from schools. That way the only people in there will be crazed gunmen, simplifying law enforcement.
- Owing to inclement weather, the English Channel is flooded all the way across, P&O Ferries has announced.
- 2013 has been cancelled, South Erst Trains has announced. Customers wishing to travel should seek an alternative year. 1492 was good.
- Stationery supplies are running low at South Erst Trains after a team of surrealists was asked to guest edit the timetables.
- David Bowie has admitted he has known whether or not there is life on Mars since 1972 but he still refuses to say.
- The Bishop of Quaint has come out angrily against same socks marriage. 'It goes against the laws of stretch fabric,' he says.
Photo by Ron Jake Roque on Unsplash