We can all learn important lessons by studying the behaviour of the mythical beast, the Unicorn, Prof Barf McPenury tells us. Here are his top seven lessons from ineffectual unicorns:
- Pewford Ponds Council says owing to a misunderstanding about the weather forecast, its lorries have been spreading Madeira cake on the roads.
- Athlete Prance Langstrum has admitted to using a bicycle during his events. "It's surprising no-one noticed," he said, "I was a high jumper."
- A government plan to give hedgehogs hot water bottles in the cold snap has been criticised by the Institute of Obvious Mistakes.
- A levels are to be replaced by Facebook photo albums. "These give employers a much better indication of future performance," an expert said.
- Up to 48% of Mars is made from cement according to a new poll of cement industry sales people. The other 52% is made of inferior cement substitute.
- The world wasn't ready for fondue home delivery by catapult according to failed businessman Kurt Spanglewurgler.
- Experts say that 4G mobile technology will use up all the Gs within 3 years. This will be a particular problem for horse-racing enthusiasts.