Barl Quarlmaral has set off to become the first man to cross the Channel on a baked bean tin, not knowing this was already achieved in 1947 by a housewife from Dingly Twettings.
Friends of the explorer say they became aware his latest mission to cross the Channel was a waste of time but didn't like to say anything in case he became disappointed. Mr Quarlmaral has failed in six previous bean-related record attempts.
Mrs Tharg of Grim Outwardly says she frequently takes a bean tin to the swimming baths but has never thought of going as far as France.
Bean Tomz of Stretching Credulity tells us he once planned to attach a jet engine to a bean tin but gave up on the idea because it was mad.
Eunice Pewness of Clueless Woodlice says she thinks it would be more appropriate to cross the Channel on a tin of peas. What can we say, Eunice?
Photo by Henry Paul on Unsplash