Pro-mattress protestors clashed violently with futonists in the centre of Catford Sidings this afternoon.
No-one was hurt owing to all the padding. Some mattresses were singed slightly when a birthday cake was thrown, candles alight. One man was taken to hospital for precautionary tests after carrying a futon for three miles. He was reported as feeling "tired".
Police say the town centre has returned to normality, despite the fact it has been nowhere near normal since the 1957 fudge wars.